Hello dear readers,
this blog for me seems to have become like a poetry diary I had as a teen... filled with all the negative as sort of an outpouring of difficult emotion. Which sort of makes me sad. At one stage I would blog about the things my kids did and some happy events. But I'll try not the dwell, the blog is what the blog is and right now I need it to be my outlet for bleak. I also hope that this entry is a lifeline to those who have felt this way - to know that others out there feel this way and it's ok.
Not sure where to begin really. Life is overwhelming which most of you probably already know. those with children will understand. Those with children under five will totally sympathise. Those of you with GIRLS under five will probably be at this moment sending me cases of wine in commiserations..... (you're sending me wine right?). For a while now... weeks.... months... I'm not really sure, the recurring conversation in our household has been that I don't think that it should be this hard, that life shouldn't be this difficult and challenging ALL THE TIME and that there should be moments of happiness. Usually when these whinings arise Dave and I are both tired and it usually results in something along these lines from Dave ....
Life is hard
Did you expect it to be easy with kids? Why on earth would you ever have thought that?
We do have happy moments but you seem to only remember the bad stuff?
Life is hard
No this is as good as it gets
So in amongst all of that, what I hear is that there is no hope of a light at the end of the tunnel, this is my life, stressed, tired, cranky, whingy kids, screaming kids in the case of the 3 year old...... and while I can sit here now and realise with amazing clarity that it's not really what he's saying, in the midst of the argument that's what I hear, because (and ladies I'm appealing to you hear) - what I really want... no what I really NEED to have happen, is for my other half to pull me up by my bootstrings, acknowledge that I'm feeling overwhelmed, tell me that things will get better and that he loves me very much (oh and ask how he can help me feel less overhwhelmed!!).
What usually happens is so far removed from that ... well it's not funny really.
So last week - I don't know when - darkness hit. I don't know what caused it or when it was exactly - which as a psychologist indicates DEPRESSIVE MOOD DO NOT TRY TO ANALYSE (but of course I spent hours trying to work out what the hell triggered this darkness).
Honestly all I remember of last week is crying. Sitting on the stairs before school with Zie screaming that she wanted to wear some fucking dress that she was going to freeze her arse off in and Charli whining because I hadn't finished printing off her photos for the art competition and me starting out all "I don't give a shit what you wear Zie and Charli shut the hell up" and then BAM. .... there I was on the bottom step, socks in hand just feeling dead inside. Like this was it, I just couldn't go on... and what was the point in it all because really.... I mean the next day would just be the same right (this was on about day 3 by the way.... by Day 3 my husband and I were not longer speaking in sentences of more than 2 words because I had alienated him so much with my despondency and outright anger at the world that he had just withdrawn from me).
So I dropped Charli off at school in tears - the mums are still wondering what the hell THAT was about. I dropped Zie off - I pulled it together and then BAM... I got to go to work and listen to people's problems.... because hey - I wasn't going to have a problem at all keeping my problems and their problems separate that day was I???? Transference and projection anyone?? And so began a painful day of relationship problems (my husband won't talk to me?? hello - you think your husband is bad... let me tell you about mine.... [and no I didn't actually say that dear readers], birth trauma issues that haunted me to the core, parenting problems that just made me want to hug the mum and cry with her because what the hell do I know about dealing with 3 year olds? Mine is ruling my life???).
anyway, you get the idea. Last week was BLACK. And suddenly a very dear old friend of mine.... hugging me at swimming lessons while I bawled my eyes out while my daughter learnt to swim.... she says "oh honey, and I just realised that Mother's Day is in a few days, so wonder you're feeling shit"....and BAM... another black hole hit (though it did give me some insight into my lack of insight as to why life seemed so bleak right now!! so thanks honey).
So I'm angry. And I'm tired. And I'm feeling like my expectations of life lay in tatters on the floor... and are being pissed on too because that's how badly my expectations have been blown apart. And I'm thinking therapy is a good option right now :)
But it's not over yet..... there's a wealth of stories I've not yet told you about my darling 3 year old... and really I won't go into her abysmal behaviour because who wants to remember that years from now.... suffice to say I was a little rough with her on Saturday night (Mother's Day Eve) - well not rough really but physically firm in picking her up but i was furious with her..... and she started screaming that I'd hurt her arm. Long story short.... emergency room, petulant child screaming that I'd hurt her but wouldn't tell me where she hurt, nurse gets her to calm down, has good range of motion and then says her left arm hurts (IT WAS HER RIGHT ARM PEOPLE)... and I stand there stunned that the level of manipulation and guilt from my 3 year old has resulted in me being in a private emergency centre at midnight - fearful of DOCS being called.....and there was nothing wrong..... except that she was pissed at me because she didn't want to clean her teeth ..... SHE DIDN'T WANT TO CLEAN HER TEETH.... am I yelling too much in this post??? I burst into tears with relief and wanted to slap her at the same time...... parenting moment anyone?.... Lord. I've never been a religious woman but I've got to admit that I've chanted the serenity poem a few times in the last couple of minutes alone.....
Anyway, I really have no idea where I was going with this post. Mother's Day came and went - I managed to survive mother's day lunch which was lovely but poignant and painful at the same time. My hubby and I are talking again. The fog is slowly lifting.....but I am fearful that it may descend again sometime soon.... and in amongst all of this... a slow burning fear that life is becoming all too stressful again - a fear that sets my little heart a pitter patter at all hours of the night - while I get to lay there telling myself that it is not going to give out on me again... that it's just anxiety..... that I will be here to mourn through another Mother's Day next year..... and I'm safe in the knowledge that something has to change.... I just have to figure out what that 'something' is.
xoxox
Showing posts with label bad hair days. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bad hair days. Show all posts
Monday, May 10, 2010
Sunday, December 06, 2009
late night ramblings
How dear readers, could I be asleep as sound as sound as can be not an hour ago while trying to watch The Big Bang Theory, but then Dave turns off the TV, settles down to go to sleep next to me and I'm wide awake wondering why I can be sooo very tired but not able to sleep? Tonight my thoughts are of mum, of my absent father, of relationships and marriage and children and parenting. Thoughts are of my clients - whose problems I am so easily able to dole out advice about, sort through, strategise about. My problems seem larger than life, when in fact I know they are not. My mindfulness training teaches me to acknowledges these thoughts but not hold on to them - to not let them overpower me. Tonight my training is failing me :)
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
Monday, August 25, 2008
Type-A personality gets to review her life
Hello dear readers.
Well where to begin. Most of you will be aware by now of my life-changing (or so they say) experience on the 7th August. Much time has passed since then so let me walk you through it day to day.....
Thursday 7th August
On this particular Thursday I had been at work as usual and was picking the girls up from school. People keep asking me if I remember what I did that day, but you know how it is, one work day melts into another and who can say what you did on any particular day. Work has been stressful in the lead up to running our assessment clinics (which began on the 11th August) and I was lost in a see of database queries, mailouts and telephone reminders. It was hectic.....and let's be honest, I was loving it.
And that's the last thing I remember... well not even remember really, but that's the last thing that I did that was normal that week. After that it all went a bit pear-shaped apparently.
After picking the girls up, with Charli having climbed into her seat but not yet strapped in, with Zie still in my arms (so Charli tells me now), I had a cardiac arrest. I collapsed in the car park with Zie still in my arms - thankfully the childcare staff were having a staff meeting, so they were all still onsite - alerted by one of the many mums who were coming and going at that time of the day. Even more fortunately, an ambulance was only about 2 minutes up the road on its return to Prince Charles Hospital. The child care staff, and then the ambos were able to revivie me, although it took almost 20 minutes apparently and took me to Prince Charles Hospital (for those of you not in the know, that's Brisbane's Cardiac Hospital anyway so kind of fortuitous that it was just down the road.
I came through the ER (or in Australia we like to call it the DEM - Department of Emergency Medicine but I don't think that has the same ring to it - do you?) unresponsive but with a pulse and BP so I was chilled down to about 33.5 degrees and moved to the ICU. I was warmed about 12 hours later and by Sunday was able to hold a conversation that lasted for longer than 30 seconds at a time without repeating (think 50 First Dates except with the repeat button on 1/2 minute, not 24 hours!!)
I remember nothing of Thursday - Sunday. I don't remember trying to flee the hospital (ladies, unless you want the worst UTI of your lives I strongly recommend not tearing a catheter out in an attempt to leave a hospital rather quickly!!). I ripped canulas out of my arm and took off. Dave who had been taking a break out in the lounge returned to the ICU with staff saying they had lost me - he was rather nonplussed to say the least. Thereafter I had 24 hour guards on my door whenever family weren't visiting and apparently at one stage I was convinced that I was in the Winston Noble Unit (the psych ward at Prince Charles) - talk about paranoid. Clearly someone was slipping me some rather cool drugs that were having the unfortunate side effect of making me rather suspicious!! :) I like to think that I made a rather long-lasting impression on the ICU staff. After they'd had enough, they shipped me off to CCU (coronary care unit) - which is where I was when my memory returned.
Sunday 10th August
So by Sunday when Dave was visiting I was able to retain some information and learnt that an angiogram had revealed no signs of coronary heart disease (but did however give me a great bruise that covered my entire upper leg/crotch area - and I thought waxing was bad!!!). They had two theories at this point - my prolapsed mitral valve, which I had with no problems since I was about 7, started leaking quite badly, causing an arrhythmia which sent me into arrest OR Takotsubo syndrome, complicated by the leaky valve. As Dave pointed out in his email to friends, those o fyou who watch House may remember an episode with this syndrom in it.... Here is a link to a journal article which describes a case with a number of similarities to mine...and there's a Wiki (of course!!)
They started talking about a defibrillator - the valve having corrected itself meant that valve replacement was back on the shelf thank goodness - the longer I can put that off the better. However, this defibrillator thingy didn't turn out to be such a hoot either. But I was told I wasn't leaving hospital without it, so it became something that I longed for, just so that I could go home. An entire week later....... and D-Day arrived.
Monday 18th August
While my sis in law was visiting a nurse marched in with a surgisponge, asked it I'd yet showered today and upon receiving my negative response marched me to the shower, handed me the surgisponge with clear instructions and said they would be up to prep me for surgery within half an hour. Wow, for days I had been sitting there wondering if I'd have to go private in order to get this surgery done and the next thing, I've got no preparation at all and it's all systems go. Bekk called Dave to let him know and said not to bother coming up as I probably would have already gone and ..... off I went. ...... only to sit in pre-op/recovery for an hour. Glad I rushed that shower ;)
Apparently the surgery was to be conducted under 'light sedation'. the very term made me nervous. I clarified just what that meant and was assured I would not feel a thing. Whew....... well it must have just been a bad dream then that for the entire second half of the procedure I could feel them inserting the device, getting it into place, sewing me up, could hear them discussing that I was awake, what meds I'd had, and coming to the conclusion that I could have no more and that I would have to be fine. I'm glad that they had not prepared me for the possibility that I might feel something. Because you know, then I could have been prepared. Then I may have realised that what I could feel in fact was only pressure - instead, thinking that I wasn't meant to be feeling anything I panicked...and all of that converted into the sensation of pain, and the terrified thoughts that I could feel them in my chest cavity. Panic is a wonderful thing. I spent an hour in recovery trying not to cry - I was still so stunned. The nurse who had been in the op came to see me, I was so angry that I wouldn't even answer him when he asked me how I was. Yes... much better to treat patients as morons rather than tell them exactly what is going to happen.... much better. Anyway, I'd best get over it. Apparently the appalling shortage of anethetists in Brisbane mean that only serious operations get anethetists.... as a friend just pointed out - she got to have her wisdom teeth out under a general but apparently fitting a device into my heart...... pfft, just a local will do. Go figure.
Tuesday 19th August
As I knew would happen, anxious to have the bed for someone who needed it, I was turfed out on Tuesday (don't get me wrong, I was itching to get out of hospital, I just find it funny that I sat there all week waiting for the procedure and then I get turfed out within 24 hours of it happening). Dave decided that the girls should stay at his mum and dad's for one more night to allow me to settle in to home and then we'd get them the next day. I was torn. I was missing them heaps but also really nervous about suddenly having to look after them again. It was great to see them the next day, and especially great when Mackenzie started vomiting with the bug that Charli had had the previous week. My first week home has been spent being vomited on (Zie), coughed on (Charli), clung to (both of them) and generally not resting as much as I should have. But you know what? Life goes on, and with two little children under three, I laughed at the person who said I wasn't to use my left arm for 6 weeks.... oh okay.
Today
So where does all of this leave me? Well I don't know really. I don't remember it happening. I was essentially dead for a few minutes there but don't remember a white light, a euphoric moment, no epiphanies. I've been told this wasn't stress induced or due to my lifestyle (caffeine, exercise or diet) - so no reason to re-evaluate my life with respect to lifestyle choices. I've been told I can't drive for 6 months, so that's going to be fun. We've not yet figured out how I'm supposed to get the girls to daycare and then (post-October) get myself to work given that childcare is about 1km away and pushing a pram that far is beyond me... but maybe by October it will be ok.
So this just happened really. I had a really bad hair day. they don't know why. They stuck a device in my heart that will essentially kick-start it if it stops again. In the meantime I've lost a heap of independence. To be honest I'm still waiting for it all to hit me. To suddenly remember something and to break down crying and realising how close I came to dying. But so far that moment hasn't happened and maybe it won't. It feels odd though that something like this could happen and I could remember so little of it. Meanwhile Charli tells me every night how scared she was when I fell down and about how I had Zie in my arms when I fell. It will be something she remembers for a while I think and that saddens me more than anything.
Well where to begin. Most of you will be aware by now of my life-changing (or so they say) experience on the 7th August. Much time has passed since then so let me walk you through it day to day.....
Thursday 7th August
On this particular Thursday I had been at work as usual and was picking the girls up from school. People keep asking me if I remember what I did that day, but you know how it is, one work day melts into another and who can say what you did on any particular day. Work has been stressful in the lead up to running our assessment clinics (which began on the 11th August) and I was lost in a see of database queries, mailouts and telephone reminders. It was hectic.....and let's be honest, I was loving it.
And that's the last thing I remember... well not even remember really, but that's the last thing that I did that was normal that week. After that it all went a bit pear-shaped apparently.
After picking the girls up, with Charli having climbed into her seat but not yet strapped in, with Zie still in my arms (so Charli tells me now), I had a cardiac arrest. I collapsed in the car park with Zie still in my arms - thankfully the childcare staff were having a staff meeting, so they were all still onsite - alerted by one of the many mums who were coming and going at that time of the day. Even more fortunately, an ambulance was only about 2 minutes up the road on its return to Prince Charles Hospital. The child care staff, and then the ambos were able to revivie me, although it took almost 20 minutes apparently and took me to Prince Charles Hospital (for those of you not in the know, that's Brisbane's Cardiac Hospital anyway so kind of fortuitous that it was just down the road.
I came through the ER (or in Australia we like to call it the DEM - Department of Emergency Medicine but I don't think that has the same ring to it - do you?) unresponsive but with a pulse and BP so I was chilled down to about 33.5 degrees and moved to the ICU. I was warmed about 12 hours later and by Sunday was able to hold a conversation that lasted for longer than 30 seconds at a time without repeating (think 50 First Dates except with the repeat button on 1/2 minute, not 24 hours!!)
I remember nothing of Thursday - Sunday. I don't remember trying to flee the hospital (ladies, unless you want the worst UTI of your lives I strongly recommend not tearing a catheter out in an attempt to leave a hospital rather quickly!!). I ripped canulas out of my arm and took off. Dave who had been taking a break out in the lounge returned to the ICU with staff saying they had lost me - he was rather nonplussed to say the least. Thereafter I had 24 hour guards on my door whenever family weren't visiting and apparently at one stage I was convinced that I was in the Winston Noble Unit (the psych ward at Prince Charles) - talk about paranoid. Clearly someone was slipping me some rather cool drugs that were having the unfortunate side effect of making me rather suspicious!! :) I like to think that I made a rather long-lasting impression on the ICU staff. After they'd had enough, they shipped me off to CCU (coronary care unit) - which is where I was when my memory returned.
Sunday 10th August
So by Sunday when Dave was visiting I was able to retain some information and learnt that an angiogram had revealed no signs of coronary heart disease (but did however give me a great bruise that covered my entire upper leg/crotch area - and I thought waxing was bad!!!). They had two theories at this point - my prolapsed mitral valve, which I had with no problems since I was about 7, started leaking quite badly, causing an arrhythmia which sent me into arrest OR Takotsubo syndrome, complicated by the leaky valve. As Dave pointed out in his email to friends, those o fyou who watch House may remember an episode with this syndrom in it.... Here is a link to a journal article which describes a case with a number of similarities to mine...and there's a Wiki (of course!!)
http://www.cardiothoracicsurgery.org/content/2/1/14
Monday 11th August onwards
They started talking about a defibrillator - the valve having corrected itself meant that valve replacement was back on the shelf thank goodness - the longer I can put that off the better. However, this defibrillator thingy didn't turn out to be such a hoot either. But I was told I wasn't leaving hospital without it, so it became something that I longed for, just so that I could go home. An entire week later....... and D-Day arrived.
Monday 18th August
While my sis in law was visiting a nurse marched in with a surgisponge, asked it I'd yet showered today and upon receiving my negative response marched me to the shower, handed me the surgisponge with clear instructions and said they would be up to prep me for surgery within half an hour. Wow, for days I had been sitting there wondering if I'd have to go private in order to get this surgery done and the next thing, I've got no preparation at all and it's all systems go. Bekk called Dave to let him know and said not to bother coming up as I probably would have already gone and ..... off I went. ...... only to sit in pre-op/recovery for an hour. Glad I rushed that shower ;)
Apparently the surgery was to be conducted under 'light sedation'. the very term made me nervous. I clarified just what that meant and was assured I would not feel a thing. Whew....... well it must have just been a bad dream then that for the entire second half of the procedure I could feel them inserting the device, getting it into place, sewing me up, could hear them discussing that I was awake, what meds I'd had, and coming to the conclusion that I could have no more and that I would have to be fine. I'm glad that they had not prepared me for the possibility that I might feel something. Because you know, then I could have been prepared. Then I may have realised that what I could feel in fact was only pressure - instead, thinking that I wasn't meant to be feeling anything I panicked...and all of that converted into the sensation of pain, and the terrified thoughts that I could feel them in my chest cavity. Panic is a wonderful thing. I spent an hour in recovery trying not to cry - I was still so stunned. The nurse who had been in the op came to see me, I was so angry that I wouldn't even answer him when he asked me how I was. Yes... much better to treat patients as morons rather than tell them exactly what is going to happen.... much better. Anyway, I'd best get over it. Apparently the appalling shortage of anethetists in Brisbane mean that only serious operations get anethetists.... as a friend just pointed out - she got to have her wisdom teeth out under a general but apparently fitting a device into my heart...... pfft, just a local will do. Go figure.
Tuesday 19th August
As I knew would happen, anxious to have the bed for someone who needed it, I was turfed out on Tuesday (don't get me wrong, I was itching to get out of hospital, I just find it funny that I sat there all week waiting for the procedure and then I get turfed out within 24 hours of it happening). Dave decided that the girls should stay at his mum and dad's for one more night to allow me to settle in to home and then we'd get them the next day. I was torn. I was missing them heaps but also really nervous about suddenly having to look after them again. It was great to see them the next day, and especially great when Mackenzie started vomiting with the bug that Charli had had the previous week. My first week home has been spent being vomited on (Zie), coughed on (Charli), clung to (both of them) and generally not resting as much as I should have. But you know what? Life goes on, and with two little children under three, I laughed at the person who said I wasn't to use my left arm for 6 weeks.... oh okay.
Today
So where does all of this leave me? Well I don't know really. I don't remember it happening. I was essentially dead for a few minutes there but don't remember a white light, a euphoric moment, no epiphanies. I've been told this wasn't stress induced or due to my lifestyle (caffeine, exercise or diet) - so no reason to re-evaluate my life with respect to lifestyle choices. I've been told I can't drive for 6 months, so that's going to be fun. We've not yet figured out how I'm supposed to get the girls to daycare and then (post-October) get myself to work given that childcare is about 1km away and pushing a pram that far is beyond me... but maybe by October it will be ok.
So this just happened really. I had a really bad hair day. they don't know why. They stuck a device in my heart that will essentially kick-start it if it stops again. In the meantime I've lost a heap of independence. To be honest I'm still waiting for it all to hit me. To suddenly remember something and to break down crying and realising how close I came to dying. But so far that moment hasn't happened and maybe it won't. It feels odd though that something like this could happen and I could remember so little of it. Meanwhile Charli tells me every night how scared she was when I fell down and about how I had Zie in my arms when I fell. It will be something she remembers for a while I think and that saddens me more than anything.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Real Estate Rollercoaster.....Not a fun ride
We had the new house in the bag. Our house we own on the Northside sold. We put our house we own in the Western Suburbs on the market (to ease the mortgage pain). Our shares were ready to be sold just as soon as the market went up a little.
Someone came along and bettered the offer on the house I'd fallen in love with. Two choices - give up the dream or go unconditional. Thankfully my more level-headed, less emotionally driven other half insisted we could not afford to run the risk of buying a house before the other one went unconditional. Chances are we've lost the house. Work is stressful. The kids are 'challenging'. My dream home that had that wow factor that was shared by all my friends..... gone in the blink of an eye. It could still work out. But right now I am numb - and cranky at myself for allowing this whole thing to become such an emotionally driven event. I mean it's just a house right? Right? Except it felt like 'home' already and it wasn't even mine. :(
Someone came along and bettered the offer on the house I'd fallen in love with. Two choices - give up the dream or go unconditional. Thankfully my more level-headed, less emotionally driven other half insisted we could not afford to run the risk of buying a house before the other one went unconditional. Chances are we've lost the house. Work is stressful. The kids are 'challenging'. My dream home that had that wow factor that was shared by all my friends..... gone in the blink of an eye. It could still work out. But right now I am numb - and cranky at myself for allowing this whole thing to become such an emotionally driven event. I mean it's just a house right? Right? Except it felt like 'home' already and it wasn't even mine. :(
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
If you can't sleep, blog
Because I think dear readers if you find yourself lying awake at night unable to sleep because you are constructing a blog in your head, then it's best if you just get up and go and write that blog. Plus I am getting sick of Geoff and Terry turning up, seeing me at the computer, asking me if I'm blogging and then laughing because they know I'm not... so here goes..... a blog entry!!
A lot has been going on lately ...... for the entirety of 2008 really and to be honest I'm a little over this year... which is unfortunatel really because according to my calendar we are only a little over 50% of the way through it.
Lately there's been a tonne of illness in our house (is that tonne or ton? I can never remember which way the Aussies spell it and which way the yanks spell it.... I'm going to go with tonne. Ton is shorter to spell ... and well.... that means it's probably the US spelling... you know.. to make it easier for them LOL)
anyway, I digress. 2008 has been filled with sinus infections, ear infections and just plain infection really. I won't even go into the events of a few weeks ago when on my week 'off' - plans filled with day spas, hair appointments, lunches with girlfriends and just general 'sitting on my arse with no kids to hassle me - both kids got severe conjunctivitis and were barred from daycare so instead of getting a massage, I got to wipe what looked like green caterpillars streaming from their eyes? Why I ask is this in none of the books about parenting...???? Amidst all of that I was ill myself so Darling Hubby had to stay at home, use up all of his annual leave, and care for us all. Sigh, what a week of joy...
And now our darling Mackenzie, whom I thought was going to breeze through teething like her poor sister never did, has spent the last 72 hours - attached to my hip - alternating between grizzling, sleeping, crying and laying there in a near coma with temps of over 39...... teething, ear infections and a throat described as 'ripe' by the doctor... lovely, so that'll be her 3rd lot of antibiotics this year alone. thrilled by that I am....NOT. So herein begins probably another year of this joy. Poor Zie. Poor mummy. I'm thinking that by about 2010 I can begin to sleep every night...all night. Probably for about a year before Charli's second lot of teeth start coming in... yay.
And dear Charli. there were a few weeks back when I was pretty sure I wanted to trade her in. You know, for a 3 year old who didn't talk back and refuse to do anything. Michelle assured me that all three year olds were like this but I had my doubts. But her little bursts of whatever causes her to become a maniac (and I can still blame teeth as her TWO-YEAR OLD MOLARS have not come through yet....blimey) seem to have subsided and she's back to just regular talking everyone's ear off and generally being a little know-it-all. Today she blew me away. We lay down for a daytime nap and read a story first. A story called Hattie and the Box (Fox) - she can't say F yet and after a very naughty word was yelled by mummy a few weeks back I'm actually really glad of this linguistic delay!!
Anyway, she put her hand over my mouth and declared she was going to read it. And she bloody well did - word for word (except for the last page which was "And they were all so surprised that no-one said anything for a very long time" which became "and they were surprised (thinking, thinking, thinking) ...and didn't talk" LOL..... anyway, I just about wet myself laughing when she did it again tonight for Dave. Having got over my astonishment at this display of parroting, I was able to listen properly to the inflections in her voice and she's got me down pat..... "Good grief, said the goose, Well well, said the pig" with this surprise in her voice and a cheeky grin on her face... just like Mummy must do every night..... hmm. At least I know I don't read in a monotone :) I'll endeavour to capture this on audio and blog it sometime soon.
And now onto the very large decisions regarding our abode. It's quite odd really..... for 6 months now (well much longer really) but ever since we moved in to this house to rent for awhile, I've been under the impression that one day we'd knock down and rebuild on our current block and I've really really wanted a Metricon style home (see the Laguna for example). You know, something crisp and modern with clean lines and a prize home feel about it. Which is very far removed from my ideal home when I was in my early 20's which was a wood and sandstone style queenslander with large verandahs, tall ceilings and a lovely open plan feel - but with that old rustic appeal. .... then Dave and I went to an open house on Saturday to this house...
Not a crisp modern style at all but a beautiful western red cedar SIX bedroom house set on about 1200m2 complete with cubby house, pool, gazebo, a flat section of yard for the trampoline and swings, a chook run (yes a chook run), fruit trees and a vegetable patch. Complete with 5 levels in the house in cascading split level design - Dave and I just LOVED it. We impulsively put an offer in that afternoon..........
and were promptly rejected the following day. The owner wants far more for it than we can offer... despite our offer being over his asking initial price. Sigh. I am torn between heart broken and trying to be all Zen about it. Either he will come to his senses and accept our offer (it has been on the market for about 4 months now)... OR I can see this house as the house that - while we did not get it - at least made the decision for Dave and I.... drum roll... we are once and for all selling our house that we've lived in for the last 9 years together. We cannot justify the expense of building a large house on this property when we can get 2/3 of the price of a brand new house by selling it..... so it goes on the market sometime this week. Anyone want to buy it?? LOL
I am sure there will be other houses..... other houses that Dave and I will walk in to and look at each other and smile. At least now I know what that feeling feels like. We've been to a few open homes over the last few weeks and I've walked away thinking "yeah I guess I could live here"... but let's face it folks, if you're going to spend that much money on a house.. you want to feel "oh wow" about it. So now.... we just have to find another 'oh wow' house. And in the current market... there'll be plenty more coming our way with falling prices I hope....
Well that's it for me. Not very eloquent but at least brings you up to speed. I feel like I've been letting down the whole "I am an A-type personality" title by seeming as if I"m not doing much. But it turns out that moving house, being ill a lot, raising 2 very independent monkeys who alternate between driivng me crazy and making my heart break with love, working a job that while officially part-time is really a full-time role, buying a new car (oh yeah we bought a new car), trying to stay in contact with friends and failing dismally most of the time... and now looking for a new house because I feel that moving once in a year is just not stressful enought..... well it turns out that all those things suck up quite a bit of time. Here's hoping those Practitioner Strength vitamin B tablets that the chemist slipped me today kick in soon with some of that 'energy' the bottle is promising me :)
Ciao dear readers
x
A lot has been going on lately ...... for the entirety of 2008 really and to be honest I'm a little over this year... which is unfortunatel really because according to my calendar we are only a little over 50% of the way through it.
Lately there's been a tonne of illness in our house (is that tonne or ton? I can never remember which way the Aussies spell it and which way the yanks spell it.... I'm going to go with tonne. Ton is shorter to spell ... and well.... that means it's probably the US spelling... you know.. to make it easier for them LOL)
anyway, I digress. 2008 has been filled with sinus infections, ear infections and just plain infection really. I won't even go into the events of a few weeks ago when on my week 'off' - plans filled with day spas, hair appointments, lunches with girlfriends and just general 'sitting on my arse with no kids to hassle me - both kids got severe conjunctivitis and were barred from daycare so instead of getting a massage, I got to wipe what looked like green caterpillars streaming from their eyes? Why I ask is this in none of the books about parenting...???? Amidst all of that I was ill myself so Darling Hubby had to stay at home, use up all of his annual leave, and care for us all. Sigh, what a week of joy...
And now our darling Mackenzie, whom I thought was going to breeze through teething like her poor sister never did, has spent the last 72 hours - attached to my hip - alternating between grizzling, sleeping, crying and laying there in a near coma with temps of over 39...... teething, ear infections and a throat described as 'ripe' by the doctor... lovely, so that'll be her 3rd lot of antibiotics this year alone. thrilled by that I am....NOT. So herein begins probably another year of this joy. Poor Zie. Poor mummy. I'm thinking that by about 2010 I can begin to sleep every night...all night. Probably for about a year before Charli's second lot of teeth start coming in... yay.
And dear Charli. there were a few weeks back when I was pretty sure I wanted to trade her in. You know, for a 3 year old who didn't talk back and refuse to do anything. Michelle assured me that all three year olds were like this but I had my doubts. But her little bursts of whatever causes her to become a maniac (and I can still blame teeth as her TWO-YEAR OLD MOLARS have not come through yet....blimey) seem to have subsided and she's back to just regular talking everyone's ear off and generally being a little know-it-all. Today she blew me away. We lay down for a daytime nap and read a story first. A story called Hattie and the Box (Fox) - she can't say F yet and after a very naughty word was yelled by mummy a few weeks back I'm actually really glad of this linguistic delay!!
Anyway, she put her hand over my mouth and declared she was going to read it. And she bloody well did - word for word (except for the last page which was "And they were all so surprised that no-one said anything for a very long time" which became "and they were surprised (thinking, thinking, thinking) ...and didn't talk" LOL..... anyway, I just about wet myself laughing when she did it again tonight for Dave. Having got over my astonishment at this display of parroting, I was able to listen properly to the inflections in her voice and she's got me down pat..... "Good grief, said the goose, Well well, said the pig" with this surprise in her voice and a cheeky grin on her face... just like Mummy must do every night..... hmm. At least I know I don't read in a monotone :) I'll endeavour to capture this on audio and blog it sometime soon.
And now onto the very large decisions regarding our abode. It's quite odd really..... for 6 months now (well much longer really) but ever since we moved in to this house to rent for awhile, I've been under the impression that one day we'd knock down and rebuild on our current block and I've really really wanted a Metricon style home (see the Laguna for example). You know, something crisp and modern with clean lines and a prize home feel about it. Which is very far removed from my ideal home when I was in my early 20's which was a wood and sandstone style queenslander with large verandahs, tall ceilings and a lovely open plan feel - but with that old rustic appeal. .... then Dave and I went to an open house on Saturday to this house...
Not a crisp modern style at all but a beautiful western red cedar SIX bedroom house set on about 1200m2 complete with cubby house, pool, gazebo, a flat section of yard for the trampoline and swings, a chook run (yes a chook run), fruit trees and a vegetable patch. Complete with 5 levels in the house in cascading split level design - Dave and I just LOVED it. We impulsively put an offer in that afternoon..........
and were promptly rejected the following day. The owner wants far more for it than we can offer... despite our offer being over his asking initial price. Sigh. I am torn between heart broken and trying to be all Zen about it. Either he will come to his senses and accept our offer (it has been on the market for about 4 months now)... OR I can see this house as the house that - while we did not get it - at least made the decision for Dave and I.... drum roll... we are once and for all selling our house that we've lived in for the last 9 years together. We cannot justify the expense of building a large house on this property when we can get 2/3 of the price of a brand new house by selling it..... so it goes on the market sometime this week. Anyone want to buy it?? LOL
I am sure there will be other houses..... other houses that Dave and I will walk in to and look at each other and smile. At least now I know what that feeling feels like. We've been to a few open homes over the last few weeks and I've walked away thinking "yeah I guess I could live here"... but let's face it folks, if you're going to spend that much money on a house.. you want to feel "oh wow" about it. So now.... we just have to find another 'oh wow' house. And in the current market... there'll be plenty more coming our way with falling prices I hope....
Well that's it for me. Not very eloquent but at least brings you up to speed. I feel like I've been letting down the whole "I am an A-type personality" title by seeming as if I"m not doing much. But it turns out that moving house, being ill a lot, raising 2 very independent monkeys who alternate between driivng me crazy and making my heart break with love, working a job that while officially part-time is really a full-time role, buying a new car (oh yeah we bought a new car), trying to stay in contact with friends and failing dismally most of the time... and now looking for a new house because I feel that moving once in a year is just not stressful enought..... well it turns out that all those things suck up quite a bit of time. Here's hoping those Practitioner Strength vitamin B tablets that the chemist slipped me today kick in soon with some of that 'energy' the bottle is promising me :)
Ciao dear readers
x
Monday, April 14, 2008
Alive but not well
Been a while huh? I've thought of blogging often. Late at night I find myself composing short blogs and paragraphs in my head, things I should post about that are funny or so tragic I figure it will give someone something to laugh at... or something to commiserate with me about. But unfortunately they've not yet written the technology that will take these in-brain musings and simply transfer them to the computer. By the time i arise the next morning i am confronted with yet another unmanageable day in my life and the blog is once again relegated to backburner of my life. So much has happened since january 3rd when I last posted. I could write for hours on the hell that has been 2008 thus far but something tells me (and my unstable emotional state supports this) that it's best not to relive the full extent of the horror but rather to just jot it down in dot points. Of course it's not going to sound as tragic that way and I will no doubt come across as a drama queen who needs to just take a valium and put things into perspective - and that could well be the case - however.....
January.
What can I say about March really. Thus far 2008 has been a sleepless, illness-filled year and March has been the worst. Nights of Charli not going to sleep until 3am, 12pm, 10pm and then up again by about 4am with pleas to watch TV. By night 3 I could freaking care what she was doing as long as she let me sleep. The irony is that for the first time Zie started sleeping through from sundown to sun up - I think they tag team me. "Okay, I'll sleep well this month, you drive her crazy!!". It turned out to be an ear infection... the first of three we've had now this year. Anti-biotics seem to keep it under control momentarily but then the minute she gets another runny nose - a constant this season now she's in childcare - then she gets another ear infection. I'm assured that they'll clear up by the time she's about 4 or 5 - excellent!! Only another 365-730 more sleepless nights :)
On top of all this I seem to have developed the chronic sinusitis problems that plagued my mum for years..... a prospect that fills me with dread. On Saturday just gone (we've skipped over March, join me in April now)... I flew to Cairns for a job for 24 hours - the plane trip was a nightmare - having never flown with a sinus infection before i could not have imagined the pain that would engulf my head and ears on descent. I don't recommend it folks. I spent yesterday laid up in bed wishing I could breathe.
The problem with life at the moment is that so much crap has gone on that it's hard to focus on the funny and good things - the things that should be remembered, but I'll give it a go....
The good things
okay this post has been interrupted by receiving energy bills from our old address because our energy provider never cancelled our service as requested.... so as trivial as that seems its just one more blah in my life to deal with right now.... I'm off. I'll be back to report on good things soon... I hope.
January.
- We decide to move in Sharon's house
- I start packing up the inside of the house WEEKS before the move... Husband, whose job it is to clean up the living nightmare under our house, leaves it until approximately 7 days before our move....
- The garbage skip cannot be put into our front yard and only barely fits onto the front footpath - much to the annoyance of the postman
- the council decide the week before we have booked the removalists to come and tear up our entire gutter/footpath region to re-pipe. I have a heart attack that the removalists will not be able to move us. despite buckets of rain it gets done in time
- the general stress of moving and changing over utilities and packing boxes with two small children 'helping' caused me to have a mini-stroke most nights
- 18th jan - we move - the less said the better. STRESS
- the day after the move we've arranged a friend to babysit so that dave and I can attend - child-free - his sister's engagement party. we look forward to a night out as adults. we barely talk to each other or anyone else that night as we are so exhausted we can't function.
- we get home to our babysitter saying she was about to call as our youngest has a temp nearing 39 degrees
- we give her panadol, she has a slight - what we think is heat rash
- by 2 days later the rash is worse and i call the Qld health number. they take me through a gazillion questions about her symptoms (does she have a headache? how the hell do I know - she doesn't talk yet!!). They say not to worry unless I wake up in the morning and rash has spread
- I wake up in the morning and the rash has spread.
- I spend this week dealing with the clearing up of crap still at our old house (turning out to be 1000 more trips in the car than expected) AND with a child that has Roseola - turns out not to be a problem but before we knew what it was there was a little bit of worry involved.
- Throughout all of this there are boxes
- and more boxes
- and many more boxes to be unpacked
- I think by now it might be the end of January. it's hard to say, my life at this point is lack of sleep and unpacking boxes.
- Unpacking boxes
- Annoying tenant at old house keeps texting me with inane questions such as what is Optus phone number as we didn't leave the white pages in the house - for fuck's sake man..... call directory assistance. Sheesh. Call the real estate agent and put a stop to him calling me.
- In this month we have an array of birthdays and I'm pretty sure that I was sick about three times - as were the girls. Having been on sleeping tablets for a month to control the 'moving anxiety' I also experienced a charming side effect of rebound depression - I recall a day of lying on my bed crying wishing I could just leave life behind me... a horrible feeling let me tell you. A trip to the GP got that under control..... sort of.
- Late in February i get a call from mother-in-law telling me that my father-in-law can get in for his knee surgery about 6 months earlier than planned. Which is great news. Except for the fact that I then had to enrol Charli in childcare as she didn't think she could cope with both of them while he was recovering, which was fair enough - but the prospect of childcare freaked me out.
- Took charli down to local childcare - she loved it so much and cried so hard when we left that I booked her in to start immediately.
- First three days of childcare I dropped her off wihtout tears (Seeya Mum) but picking her up was an emotional ordeal. She would spy me, burst into tears and cry "i've missed you so much mummy"..... By the fourth day, the drop offs were heart wrenching. And they've not got better in the last 5 weeks. "I don't want to go to school" starts the day before and continues until I leave the childcare centre a hollow of my former self and drag myself to work.
- I love my job - LOVE IT - but beginning each day with your child crying and saying they "just want to spend the day with you mummy" - well it's enough to drain the hardest-hearted person
What can I say about March really. Thus far 2008 has been a sleepless, illness-filled year and March has been the worst. Nights of Charli not going to sleep until 3am, 12pm, 10pm and then up again by about 4am with pleas to watch TV. By night 3 I could freaking care what she was doing as long as she let me sleep. The irony is that for the first time Zie started sleeping through from sundown to sun up - I think they tag team me. "Okay, I'll sleep well this month, you drive her crazy!!". It turned out to be an ear infection... the first of three we've had now this year. Anti-biotics seem to keep it under control momentarily but then the minute she gets another runny nose - a constant this season now she's in childcare - then she gets another ear infection. I'm assured that they'll clear up by the time she's about 4 or 5 - excellent!! Only another 365-730 more sleepless nights :)
On top of all this I seem to have developed the chronic sinusitis problems that plagued my mum for years..... a prospect that fills me with dread. On Saturday just gone (we've skipped over March, join me in April now)... I flew to Cairns for a job for 24 hours - the plane trip was a nightmare - having never flown with a sinus infection before i could not have imagined the pain that would engulf my head and ears on descent. I don't recommend it folks. I spent yesterday laid up in bed wishing I could breathe.
The problem with life at the moment is that so much crap has gone on that it's hard to focus on the funny and good things - the things that should be remembered, but I'll give it a go....
The good things
okay this post has been interrupted by receiving energy bills from our old address because our energy provider never cancelled our service as requested.... so as trivial as that seems its just one more blah in my life to deal with right now.... I'm off. I'll be back to report on good things soon... I hope.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Isn't it ironic.
You know that song by Alanis Morisette? That feels a little like my life lately. I especially draw your attention to the bridge section of the song that goes like this:
Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face
Sneaking up on me when I think everything's going right huh? More like ambushing me from a really high place and taking a crap all over me more like it. I'm trying to figure out who I've wronged as I have some major bad karma happening at the moment. Allow me to elaborate.
The Kitchen Debacle
A few weeks ago on a Friday morning I leave to take the girls to the playcentre and meet up with some friends and their kids ...... I return at about lunchtime with toddler and baby both asleep having not had lunch (always poor planning on my part because it means a short nap because they wake hungry) - to discover a veritable waterfall coming from our kitchen ceiling. I stand there dumbfounded - unable to quite believe what I'm seeing and not quite comprehending where the water is coming from given the drought. I then realise the solar hot water system must have shat itself.
Meanwhile our optusnet connection is out and I'm left wondering how to look up plumbers' numbers as in my de-cluttering phase I threw out hard copies of all the phone books. At this stage I've called Dave's mobile and work numbers about 10 times but he's not answering. Charli wakes screaming and I'm nearly in tears. The kitchen by this time is flooded and I can't quite figure out what to try and save first.
I finally think to look through the local paper that had been delivered the previous day and find myself a plumber who can come out ASAP. Scott rocks up about 3pm that afternoon and by the time Dave gets home he's ascertained that rats (yuck!) have eaten threw the piping and he's been unable to find a replacement piece of pipe (our local tradelink didn't stock it) - so he clamped it and was able to turn the water back on and said he'd be back next week with the part to fix it properly..... right, so we set about cleaning up. Takeout for dinner.
The following morning, Dave wakes me at 7am (much to my horror because it was meant to be my sleep in day) - and says we have a problem. I can hear water falling in the kitchen again and my heart sinks. Clearly (so we thought) - Scott's stop gap measure did not work. So I take the girls up to a friend's house for an early breakfast as the kitchen is unuseable, appliances such as the jug and kettle were saturated so I couldn't even boil water for Zie's breakfast and it was all just too hard trying to explain to Charli that she couldn't play in the disgusting water falling from the ceiling. Dave stays to call the plumber.
Mother-in-law comes to get Charli about 11am and the plumber also turns up. Turns out the rats waited until the plumber left and ATE SOME MORE HOLES... so his fix was fine - it's just more rats ate more holes. He fixes that pipe, turns the water back on, finds another leak and so on and so forth.......
Connie leaves with Charli, Dave and I set about letting everything dry and then start cleaning up. Just as I'm thinking of going to get Charli, water starts falling from the ceiling again (you've got to be freaking kidding me right? I hear you say...). Call the plumber who comes out (at this point I was in total denial about just how big his bill was going to be)..... and he has to set up some temporary piping OUTSIDE the house so that if rats eat through it at least it won't drip through the ceiling. Meanwhile, the insurance won't cover any of the plumbing costs - only the water damage.
Life 1 : Carla 0
The PhD - The Jury is back in
As for my PhD, the news is not good really. I'm still feeling really raw about the whole thing and quite in shock. Reviewer A, while making some comments regarding how it could be bettered when I publish (which he encouraged me to do), pretty much used the terms "an important contribution to the field", "addresses gaps in the current literature in this field" and ticked the box recommending me for a Dean's commendation. Exciting huh? Great ego boost? Well wait there's more.... and unfortunately it is not a free set of steak knives.
Reviewer B, in a nutshell, thought it was not worthy of a PhD standard, ticked "revise and resubmit" and seems to have some bee in his bonnet about the fact that I didn't do any independent research or data collection (I did all of this myself, data collection, conceptualisation, everything - so I'm not sure where he got that idea). So it had to go to an adjudicator, who has been a gem about the whole thing (I was pretty much in tears of despair on his shoulder having decided that if I had to do a major revise and resubmit I was quitting.....) and has said that while I have to write a letter addressing each of this examiner's comments, I don't have to necesarily take on board all of the comments, nor do I have to go through the examination process again - as long as the adjudicator signs off on my response letter.
Everyone keeps saying - "oh well that's good, not as bad as it could be then?". But really, it doesn't really feel great either. It's all just a bit of a nightmare really - 9 months after submission and it's still not looking like I'll graduate this year either.... I'm over the entire thing and not even sure what I want to do with my life. I keep telling myself once I get the PhD out of the way I can focus on a career direction...... but I don't even have a future at my current place of employment, which brings me to my next point.....
running score: Life 2: Carla 0
I'm sorry - do you work here?
I had big plans for 2008 work-wise. I was thinking about increasing my days to 3 per week. I was going to ask for funding to present a paper in Bondi in February next year... and quite frankly if it wasn't in the budget I was going anyway. Professional development (aka tax write-off) and all that.......I was going to network my arse off and perhaps make some connections for the future.
However, as of Tuesday last week, I've been told that I don't have a job past the end of the year as no part-time positions are being accommodated for in the current budget plans. So I've pretty much just been told to start looking for work elsewhere - really fits in with the 'family friendly' award they just won doesn't it? The bit I really don't get is how much I've been pushed to finish my PhD over the last 2 years and then they also grant me leave of absence for 4 months last year so I could complete it - right before I also had to take 6 months off to have a baby. And now I'm back on board with no more babies in our future and thus no more leave of absences from work..... committed to staying with them and they decide this is the time to say 'adios'? It makes no sense.
Life 3: Carla 0
But then - well sometimes life just hands you one. Yesterday after much deliberating about when we were going to put the girls in the one bedroom, we decided to take the plunge. There were many reasons for us wanting them to be in the one room.....and Charli's obvious reason of it will be easier to boss Mackenzie around if she's close by ALL THE TIME. But mostly it's really hot in the front room and from memory, Charli (when she was in that room) didn't sleep for about the 6 months that is summer here in Queensland. What possessed me to all of a sudden yesterday declare that THIS was the day it should happen I'll never know. Maybe it was because, let's face it, in four days we leave on a weekend away WITH NO KIDS. And I figured that if the first four days didn't go well, at least I'd have 2 days to recover and re-group before coming home to more pain.
My biggest concern of course was NEITHER of them ever sleeping. It took us close to two years to get Charli to sleep through - and with Zie still MONTHS off finishing teething (given she hasn't even sprouted one yet... well I could envisage much pain ahead of us with Zie waking Charli and Charli waking Zie and so on and so forth....
But you know what? Last night FOR THE FIRST TIME IN ...... OH ...... EVER Zie slept from 6pm til 4am (for a quick feed) and then through til 6am. Charli did not wake up at the 4am feed. When Zie woke at 6am, Charli still looked tired so Dave suggested she go back to sleep AND SHE DID for another hour. Meanwhile, let me re-iterate - Zie slept for 10 hours without needing my attention. Sure, I heard her wake about 4 times during the night and cry out - but obviously the snoring emanating from the nearby bed was comfort enough and I was allowed to spend a straight 6 hours without leaving my bed.
So there you go. Sometimes life just kicks you while you're down. Other times it just hands you one on a plate. Now the cynic in me might suggest that life is just building me up for another fall. But hey, I'm not the cynical type. Right guys? Guys??
Life 3: Carla 1 (and committed to evening the score)
Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you
When you think everything's okay and everything's going right
And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face
Sneaking up on me when I think everything's going right huh? More like ambushing me from a really high place and taking a crap all over me more like it. I'm trying to figure out who I've wronged as I have some major bad karma happening at the moment. Allow me to elaborate.
The Kitchen Debacle
A few weeks ago on a Friday morning I leave to take the girls to the playcentre and meet up with some friends and their kids ...... I return at about lunchtime with toddler and baby both asleep having not had lunch (always poor planning on my part because it means a short nap because they wake hungry) - to discover a veritable waterfall coming from our kitchen ceiling. I stand there dumbfounded - unable to quite believe what I'm seeing and not quite comprehending where the water is coming from given the drought. I then realise the solar hot water system must have shat itself.
Meanwhile our optusnet connection is out and I'm left wondering how to look up plumbers' numbers as in my de-cluttering phase I threw out hard copies of all the phone books. At this stage I've called Dave's mobile and work numbers about 10 times but he's not answering. Charli wakes screaming and I'm nearly in tears. The kitchen by this time is flooded and I can't quite figure out what to try and save first.
I finally think to look through the local paper that had been delivered the previous day and find myself a plumber who can come out ASAP. Scott rocks up about 3pm that afternoon and by the time Dave gets home he's ascertained that rats (yuck!) have eaten threw the piping and he's been unable to find a replacement piece of pipe (our local tradelink didn't stock it) - so he clamped it and was able to turn the water back on and said he'd be back next week with the part to fix it properly..... right, so we set about cleaning up. Takeout for dinner.
The following morning, Dave wakes me at 7am (much to my horror because it was meant to be my sleep in day) - and says we have a problem. I can hear water falling in the kitchen again and my heart sinks. Clearly (so we thought) - Scott's stop gap measure did not work. So I take the girls up to a friend's house for an early breakfast as the kitchen is unuseable, appliances such as the jug and kettle were saturated so I couldn't even boil water for Zie's breakfast and it was all just too hard trying to explain to Charli that she couldn't play in the disgusting water falling from the ceiling. Dave stays to call the plumber.
Mother-in-law comes to get Charli about 11am and the plumber also turns up. Turns out the rats waited until the plumber left and ATE SOME MORE HOLES... so his fix was fine - it's just more rats ate more holes. He fixes that pipe, turns the water back on, finds another leak and so on and so forth.......
Connie leaves with Charli, Dave and I set about letting everything dry and then start cleaning up. Just as I'm thinking of going to get Charli, water starts falling from the ceiling again (you've got to be freaking kidding me right? I hear you say...). Call the plumber who comes out (at this point I was in total denial about just how big his bill was going to be)..... and he has to set up some temporary piping OUTSIDE the house so that if rats eat through it at least it won't drip through the ceiling. Meanwhile, the insurance won't cover any of the plumbing costs - only the water damage.
Life 1 : Carla 0
The PhD - The Jury is back in
As for my PhD, the news is not good really. I'm still feeling really raw about the whole thing and quite in shock. Reviewer A, while making some comments regarding how it could be bettered when I publish (which he encouraged me to do), pretty much used the terms "an important contribution to the field", "addresses gaps in the current literature in this field" and ticked the box recommending me for a Dean's commendation. Exciting huh? Great ego boost? Well wait there's more.... and unfortunately it is not a free set of steak knives.
Reviewer B, in a nutshell, thought it was not worthy of a PhD standard, ticked "revise and resubmit" and seems to have some bee in his bonnet about the fact that I didn't do any independent research or data collection (I did all of this myself, data collection, conceptualisation, everything - so I'm not sure where he got that idea). So it had to go to an adjudicator, who has been a gem about the whole thing (I was pretty much in tears of despair on his shoulder having decided that if I had to do a major revise and resubmit I was quitting.....) and has said that while I have to write a letter addressing each of this examiner's comments, I don't have to necesarily take on board all of the comments, nor do I have to go through the examination process again - as long as the adjudicator signs off on my response letter.
Everyone keeps saying - "oh well that's good, not as bad as it could be then?". But really, it doesn't really feel great either. It's all just a bit of a nightmare really - 9 months after submission and it's still not looking like I'll graduate this year either.... I'm over the entire thing and not even sure what I want to do with my life. I keep telling myself once I get the PhD out of the way I can focus on a career direction...... but I don't even have a future at my current place of employment, which brings me to my next point.....
running score: Life 2: Carla 0
I'm sorry - do you work here?
I had big plans for 2008 work-wise. I was thinking about increasing my days to 3 per week. I was going to ask for funding to present a paper in Bondi in February next year... and quite frankly if it wasn't in the budget I was going anyway. Professional development (aka tax write-off) and all that.......I was going to network my arse off and perhaps make some connections for the future.
However, as of Tuesday last week, I've been told that I don't have a job past the end of the year as no part-time positions are being accommodated for in the current budget plans. So I've pretty much just been told to start looking for work elsewhere - really fits in with the 'family friendly' award they just won doesn't it? The bit I really don't get is how much I've been pushed to finish my PhD over the last 2 years and then they also grant me leave of absence for 4 months last year so I could complete it - right before I also had to take 6 months off to have a baby. And now I'm back on board with no more babies in our future and thus no more leave of absences from work..... committed to staying with them and they decide this is the time to say 'adios'? It makes no sense.
Life 3: Carla 0
But then - well sometimes life just hands you one. Yesterday after much deliberating about when we were going to put the girls in the one bedroom, we decided to take the plunge. There were many reasons for us wanting them to be in the one room.....and Charli's obvious reason of it will be easier to boss Mackenzie around if she's close by ALL THE TIME. But mostly it's really hot in the front room and from memory, Charli (when she was in that room) didn't sleep for about the 6 months that is summer here in Queensland. What possessed me to all of a sudden yesterday declare that THIS was the day it should happen I'll never know. Maybe it was because, let's face it, in four days we leave on a weekend away WITH NO KIDS. And I figured that if the first four days didn't go well, at least I'd have 2 days to recover and re-group before coming home to more pain.
My biggest concern of course was NEITHER of them ever sleeping. It took us close to two years to get Charli to sleep through - and with Zie still MONTHS off finishing teething (given she hasn't even sprouted one yet... well I could envisage much pain ahead of us with Zie waking Charli and Charli waking Zie and so on and so forth....
But you know what? Last night FOR THE FIRST TIME IN ...... OH ...... EVER Zie slept from 6pm til 4am (for a quick feed) and then through til 6am. Charli did not wake up at the 4am feed. When Zie woke at 6am, Charli still looked tired so Dave suggested she go back to sleep AND SHE DID for another hour. Meanwhile, let me re-iterate - Zie slept for 10 hours without needing my attention. Sure, I heard her wake about 4 times during the night and cry out - but obviously the snoring emanating from the nearby bed was comfort enough and I was allowed to spend a straight 6 hours without leaving my bed.
So there you go. Sometimes life just kicks you while you're down. Other times it just hands you one on a plate. Now the cynic in me might suggest that life is just building me up for another fall. But hey, I'm not the cynical type. Right guys? Guys??
Life 3: Carla 1 (and committed to evening the score)
Sunday, July 08, 2007
Mummy meltdown
Well it finally happened. That day that was bound to happen when everything just hit me. That day was yesterday. Out of the blue. Like these moments usually do - to catch you off guard. I had Owen's second birthday party to be at by 2pm at Wynnum. 2pm. I mean it's not like it was first thing in the morning. However I had been awake most of the night with a little Zie who has decided that she must be fed every 1.5-2hours and it's killing me. Add that to the fact that it's been going on for a few nights so I was sleep deprived, Dave starts his new job soon and I know that as wonderful as that is it is going to be a stressful transition, I didn't get the job I want so I have to return to my job in 8 days (and counting), Charli is being an inquisitive 2-year old - constantly asking questions and back chatting us, Mum's birthday was on Thursday (she would have been 60)...... well it all just added up to a day when everything just went BLAAAAH. Suddenly this weight just hit me. The thought of trying to get Charli and Zie both fed lunch and dressed, and me dressed (I was still in my pjs at 11am).......it's hard to explain to anyone who has never had 2 kids and been sleep deprived - and by anyone, I mean you have to be the mummy. Because I'm still not convinced that any man has half a clue as to how hard this all is.... I'm sorry that sounds sexist but it's just the way it is.
Anyway, so the breaking point was my lovely little Zie would not stop rolling and I couldn't get her pants on her.... and bam. I am curled up on the bed next to my naked baby crying and sobbing and wondering just how easy it would be to hurt one of them. It's hard to admit that here on a public forum, but I'm going to.... because I think that people are all too quick to gloss over the hardships of parenthood sometimes. I mean, I would never have comprehended how someone could possibly even consider harming their children - before I had kids and hadn't slept properly in over a week. Then the reality was all too close to home.
Then the real kicker. The event to really make me feel guilty as hell for being human and crying? Darling two-year old Charli, inquisitive and caring, comes in, gets up on the bed, starts patting me and questioning "what's wrong mummy? you sad? it's okay."..... over and over and over again. I tried to smile through the tears. Tried to tell myself that no small child should have to see their mummy totally lose it on a Saturday afternoon when in reality we were meant to be going to a party. So I dragged myself out of bed and got dressed and we went to the party. It's a blur. Charli seemed to have a good time - and a big thank you to Shaz who spent most of the afternoon running around after her as I just didn't have the energy.
Anyway, driving home in a daze (Sharon informs me they were driving next to me the whole way home with the girls waving at me from their car and I didn't even notice them) hubby texts and says he's spoken to Mother-in-Law and Charli can stay there for the night. So feeling guilty again I drop her over there and she is now staying there until Monday morning. We had another bad night with Zie and I am at a loss as to how to deal with it. Please no suggestions. We've tried them all. I'm not going down the path of controlled crying. I don't feel comfortable co-sleeping with her (I'm not opposed to it I just am so dog tired that I'm not game to), we will be trying the heater tonight, hubby tried giving her formula through the night to give me a break but she screamed for 45 minutes before he was forced to come in and reluctantly wake me to feed her, she's been wrapped, not wrapped, cuddled, burped, she's not in pain as she immediately falls asleep as soon as she comes in to bed with me and takes one suck of my boob... *sigh*..... she just wants her mummy and mummy desperately needs some alone sleep time. This time shall pass. And I'll look back and wonder where the time went. But right now the immediate future seems bleak and sleep deprived and tiring.
Parenthood - who'd do it right? I would. All over again. But just let me say "FUCK". Sometimes it's hard.
Anyway, so the breaking point was my lovely little Zie would not stop rolling and I couldn't get her pants on her.... and bam. I am curled up on the bed next to my naked baby crying and sobbing and wondering just how easy it would be to hurt one of them. It's hard to admit that here on a public forum, but I'm going to.... because I think that people are all too quick to gloss over the hardships of parenthood sometimes. I mean, I would never have comprehended how someone could possibly even consider harming their children - before I had kids and hadn't slept properly in over a week. Then the reality was all too close to home.
Then the real kicker. The event to really make me feel guilty as hell for being human and crying? Darling two-year old Charli, inquisitive and caring, comes in, gets up on the bed, starts patting me and questioning "what's wrong mummy? you sad? it's okay."..... over and over and over again. I tried to smile through the tears. Tried to tell myself that no small child should have to see their mummy totally lose it on a Saturday afternoon when in reality we were meant to be going to a party. So I dragged myself out of bed and got dressed and we went to the party. It's a blur. Charli seemed to have a good time - and a big thank you to Shaz who spent most of the afternoon running around after her as I just didn't have the energy.
Anyway, driving home in a daze (Sharon informs me they were driving next to me the whole way home with the girls waving at me from their car and I didn't even notice them) hubby texts and says he's spoken to Mother-in-Law and Charli can stay there for the night. So feeling guilty again I drop her over there and she is now staying there until Monday morning. We had another bad night with Zie and I am at a loss as to how to deal with it. Please no suggestions. We've tried them all. I'm not going down the path of controlled crying. I don't feel comfortable co-sleeping with her (I'm not opposed to it I just am so dog tired that I'm not game to), we will be trying the heater tonight, hubby tried giving her formula through the night to give me a break but she screamed for 45 minutes before he was forced to come in and reluctantly wake me to feed her, she's been wrapped, not wrapped, cuddled, burped, she's not in pain as she immediately falls asleep as soon as she comes in to bed with me and takes one suck of my boob... *sigh*..... she just wants her mummy and mummy desperately needs some alone sleep time. This time shall pass. And I'll look back and wonder where the time went. But right now the immediate future seems bleak and sleep deprived and tiring.
Parenthood - who'd do it right? I would. All over again. But just let me say "FUCK". Sometimes it's hard.
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
A lot to answer for....
My PhD examiner who never returned my PhD report that is. Why? I just lost out to another candidate for a postdoctoral position that I really really really wanted. Why? Because this other candidate had their PhD already and yours truly does not. Otherwise I was an exceptional candidate for the job, 'very employable', good experience, fantastic project management skills... blah blah blah. It was actually hard to hear all the positive praise but then still be told I was unsuccessful. Oh well, what's the Zen response to all of this? Perhaps it is best that Dave and I are not both starting new jobs at the same time........ as he was successful in securing a new role that starts next Thursday - yay for hubby.
Thursday, May 10, 2007
There is no title to describe this day.
Hello dear readers,
My feral darling child number one did not improve after her stint at Kinder Gym yesterday and so began a day of me drugging her with Calm - a naturopathic remedy that is supposed to reign in your child before they turn into the devil incarnate....... trust me..... today it did not work. In fact by 4pm I was ready to try some of the stuff myself. My thought process being that if it did not calm her, perhaps if I took it I at least would not care that she was breaking everything she touched, screaming no at every opportunity, and generally behaving in a way that would possess me to give her away should anyone be foolish enough to want her in her current mood.
Some home products for the bathroom turned up - general storage stuff that warrants assembly. Charli was very um... 'helpful' in putting it together with me and Dave arrived home in time to rescue Charli from mummy putting her into the box the goods arrived in and packing her off with the courier...... (breathe....)
My supervisor called. I have been awaiting my examiner's reports for five months now.... do you hear me people??? Five bleedin' months. I bust a gut getting this PhD done in 16 weeks, while hugely pregnant and the requisite 8 week waiting period for examination comes.... and goes... and with it, any hope of graduating in July. Today I find out two things that make this even worse.
1. The thesis office have now decided they can wait no longer. In 7 days if this examiner's report is not back, they go out to another examiner and I get to start the waiting all over again
If this is not enough to warrant tears I then get a phone call from a friend who submitted her thesis 6 weeks after me. Not only did she get both reports back today but she has no changes to make..... please don't get me wrong. I am thrilled for her. This is every PhD student's dream.... NO CHANGES..... but today of all days, I am jealous, angry, disappointed beyond description. You see we were meant to graduate together in July..... after both being enrolled for nearly 9 years we both finally submitted at the same time..... and graduation together was the final prize but alas it is not to be. I am shattered. I am drinking Baileys. I may not stop at one.
Today lots of nice things happened. I'm sure they did. I'm sure Mackenzie was blowing bubbles so hard she looked like she was rabid and foaming at the mouth. At some stage I'm sure I spotted Charli lying next to Zie holding her hand while they watched Dora together. Today I should be thankful for a loving husband, two beautiful daughters and the fact that we are all healthy. But today dear readers I don't feel like being generous, I just feel like feeling sorry for myself. Tomorrow I promise will be another day.... a better day...... a day filled with more laughter than crying....... but for tonight, a couch meant for wallowing beckons me.
My feral darling child number one did not improve after her stint at Kinder Gym yesterday and so began a day of me drugging her with Calm - a naturopathic remedy that is supposed to reign in your child before they turn into the devil incarnate....... trust me..... today it did not work. In fact by 4pm I was ready to try some of the stuff myself. My thought process being that if it did not calm her, perhaps if I took it I at least would not care that she was breaking everything she touched, screaming no at every opportunity, and generally behaving in a way that would possess me to give her away should anyone be foolish enough to want her in her current mood.
Some home products for the bathroom turned up - general storage stuff that warrants assembly. Charli was very um... 'helpful' in putting it together with me and Dave arrived home in time to rescue Charli from mummy putting her into the box the goods arrived in and packing her off with the courier...... (breathe....)
My supervisor called. I have been awaiting my examiner's reports for five months now.... do you hear me people??? Five bleedin' months. I bust a gut getting this PhD done in 16 weeks, while hugely pregnant and the requisite 8 week waiting period for examination comes.... and goes... and with it, any hope of graduating in July. Today I find out two things that make this even worse.
1. The thesis office have now decided they can wait no longer. In 7 days if this examiner's report is not back, they go out to another examiner and I get to start the waiting all over again
If this is not enough to warrant tears I then get a phone call from a friend who submitted her thesis 6 weeks after me. Not only did she get both reports back today but she has no changes to make..... please don't get me wrong. I am thrilled for her. This is every PhD student's dream.... NO CHANGES..... but today of all days, I am jealous, angry, disappointed beyond description. You see we were meant to graduate together in July..... after both being enrolled for nearly 9 years we both finally submitted at the same time..... and graduation together was the final prize but alas it is not to be. I am shattered. I am drinking Baileys. I may not stop at one.
Today lots of nice things happened. I'm sure they did. I'm sure Mackenzie was blowing bubbles so hard she looked like she was rabid and foaming at the mouth. At some stage I'm sure I spotted Charli lying next to Zie holding her hand while they watched Dora together. Today I should be thankful for a loving husband, two beautiful daughters and the fact that we are all healthy. But today dear readers I don't feel like being generous, I just feel like feeling sorry for myself. Tomorrow I promise will be another day.... a better day...... a day filled with more laughter than crying....... but for tonight, a couch meant for wallowing beckons me.
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Kinder Hell (I mean Gym)....
Well today started better than most - everyone slept until 7.30am and I woke up feeling refreshed - a state that I rarely awaken in anymore. We breakfasted, showered and dressed..... and we headed for the local Youth Club's kinder gym class. The first one. Our trial class. Our last class ever if there is indeed a higher power looking over us..... it was horrendous. Not because the instructors weren't good. Not because the other mums were awful or unfriendly (though by the end of the class I think a few of them did indeed sigh a sigh of relief when they realised that I had decided not to return next week). The problem? A gym full of lots of bounce-y mats, bars, ladders on walls (!!!) and a two-year old who was in no mood to be told to 'wait', that it was not yet 'her turn' or that 'you are not allowed to play on that equipment, only this equipment'.
I turned into public housing mother screaming at Charli to get down off the wall while I had Mackenzie attached to my boob and screaming with mouth full of nipple because I was not exactly being calm enough to let the milk flow. Do you have that picture in your head? I hope so because I'll carry it with me for many days. To be fair on myself I did start out calmly using the correct principles. .... giving Charli choices about either playing on the gym mats properly or hopping in the pram and going home. But when I had to feed Mackenzie... well Charlotte quickly realised that my options for disciplining her were indeed limited and unlike at home there was no bedroom to be conveniently locked in while she threw a tantrum of nuclear explosion like proportions. I had finally been given the ultimate test in parenting - a toddler tantrum in public with a baby screaming to be fed. I failed appallingly. But that's okay. I'm sure that there will be many more. Some I will handle with more aplomb. Some I am sure will be just as bad as today. I trust that there will be no permanent psychological damage - to either the toddler, the baby or myself. But one thing is very clear - there will be no more kinder gym until it becomes legal to use a long handled cattle prod to keep children under control in public.
I turned into public housing mother screaming at Charli to get down off the wall while I had Mackenzie attached to my boob and screaming with mouth full of nipple because I was not exactly being calm enough to let the milk flow. Do you have that picture in your head? I hope so because I'll carry it with me for many days. To be fair on myself I did start out calmly using the correct principles. .... giving Charli choices about either playing on the gym mats properly or hopping in the pram and going home. But when I had to feed Mackenzie... well Charlotte quickly realised that my options for disciplining her were indeed limited and unlike at home there was no bedroom to be conveniently locked in while she threw a tantrum of nuclear explosion like proportions. I had finally been given the ultimate test in parenting - a toddler tantrum in public with a baby screaming to be fed. I failed appallingly. But that's okay. I'm sure that there will be many more. Some I will handle with more aplomb. Some I am sure will be just as bad as today. I trust that there will be no permanent psychological damage - to either the toddler, the baby or myself. But one thing is very clear - there will be no more kinder gym until it becomes legal to use a long handled cattle prod to keep children under control in public.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Toesday bloody Toesday
Like Sunday Bloody Sunday, except on a Tuesday - and of my toe - and the blood was more of the internal bruising kind and less of the kind where 26 civil rights protesters were shot dead in Northern Ireland. So really my incident with my toe is really nothing like it, but here's what happened nonetheless. But first - why am I blogging about my toe? Many many posts ago, Beck started Toesday - I can't remember when, sorry you'll have to find the post yourself - it will give you a chance to read all of her posts - go on, it's worth it :)
Anyway, I've never posted a photo of my toes - though I did post a gorgeous one of Charli and her daddy and their toes many moons ago now when she was only 6 weeks old. But I don't like my feet and they are usually not for public viewing. But my unsightly feet have just been made worse by slamming the little toe of my left foot into a bedside table (and no I was not drunk worse luck - I felt every spine chilling crack in my little toe as it happened). It swelled immediately. Today it looks like this....
It feels worse than it looks. And don't think I haven't complained endlessly about this since it happened....and made Dave look at it 1000 times since yesterday........ he did exactly the same thing last week - I kid you not EXACTLY THE SAME THING except on a different piece of furniture. And he had previously broken his toe so it probably hurt more. AND Charli threw herself on his foot after he'd just hurt it. But he complained not once. What a trooper. I on the other hand will be milking this for all that it's worth. Because that's just the kind of gal I am :)
(p.s. and the photo is out of focus because of the excrutiating pain I am in .... or just because I am a crap photographer)
Anyway, I've never posted a photo of my toes - though I did post a gorgeous one of Charli and her daddy and their toes many moons ago now when she was only 6 weeks old. But I don't like my feet and they are usually not for public viewing. But my unsightly feet have just been made worse by slamming the little toe of my left foot into a bedside table (and no I was not drunk worse luck - I felt every spine chilling crack in my little toe as it happened). It swelled immediately. Today it looks like this....
It feels worse than it looks. And don't think I haven't complained endlessly about this since it happened....and made Dave look at it 1000 times since yesterday........ he did exactly the same thing last week - I kid you not EXACTLY THE SAME THING except on a different piece of furniture. And he had previously broken his toe so it probably hurt more. AND Charli threw herself on his foot after he'd just hurt it. But he complained not once. What a trooper. I on the other hand will be milking this for all that it's worth. Because that's just the kind of gal I am :)(p.s. and the photo is out of focus because of the excrutiating pain I am in .... or just because I am a crap photographer)
Monday, March 12, 2007
One of those days...
Well dear readers it's been one of those days. And it's now nearly 9.30pm and I'm tired so this is going to be the reader's digest version.
Today the wardrobe man was coming so that we could finally have a grown up bedroom and not one that looks like two 19-year olds are sharing a college dorm room.
The weather forecast is 34 and humid.
I ring the wardrobe company and they are not due until 12.30pm - right when Charli will be due for her sleep.
At about 9.30am we're watching TV, I have 2 air-conditioners on and I throw a load of laundry in the dryer because I'm a lazy housewife who couldn't be jacked going downstairs into the hot day to hang the washing out.
I'm feeding Zie and she lets loose with a bottom burp to end all bottom burps and when I stand up I have baby excrement running down my legs onto the brand new turkish rug.
I call to Charli to get me the baby's sheet (i.e. wrap) and bring it to me. Charli looks at me with her new look "I know what you're asking me to do but you know, I just don't feel assed doing that for you right now".... I bribe her with something - it may have been an ice-block, I don't recall. She finally finds it in her heart to bring me the wrap so I can wipe up the mess rather than traipsing it through the house.
As I'm changing Zie's nappy, the stereo/TV goes BANG and I lose power - bloody hell - too many appliances, I've blown a damn fuse again. Now I'm becoming fairly accomplished at fuse changing so I head downstairs with a teatowel to take out the fuse....but then I realise that the computers have gone off - and that can't be right as they are on a separate fuse thingy...... I check the fuse and sure enough it's still intact. Hmmmm. Go upstairs, turn on the lights (again a separate fuse box) - nothing. At this point I call my neighbour (their car is there) but she does not answer and I suspect she is in labour (she is overdue to have her baby at this point).... so I leave a message saying I've lost power and am wondering if they have to. I don't hear back... which is fair enough :)
I call our neighbours over the road - and guess what? They have power.
I call energex. They are not aware of an outage in Mitchelton and they log a call to the service men.
My baby is screaming because it's hot and my toddler wants to play hot games such as pretend mummy is a horse-y and mummy let's jump up and down in this bleedingly hot weather!!
Energex arrive - the power box on the pole has totally shat itself and they log another call for a bucket truck to come out and replace it. this will be another 1.5 hours or so.
We are now melting in the heat.
I call the wardrobe company to check that any power tools they require are battery/rechargeable. They are not. They will have to cancel my wardrobe and come another day. This is not an option as far as I'm concerned as things are stacked against every wall and we can't move for the crap that is waiting to find its new home in the new wardrobe. Plus I've been waiting 5 weeks for this wardrobe. They suggest we could run an extension cord to my neighbour's house. I am reluctant to call the possibly laboring woman to ask if I can use their power (as it turns out she was labouring - or had already labored - they were up at the hospital having left their car at home and are now the proud owners of a new baby boy!!!)..... I hope that their laundry downstairs is unlocked and take it upon myself to okay this suggestion to use the neighbour's power. I run next door once I'm off the phone, extension lead in hand and plug into their laundry.... I am yet to tell them that I've stolen electricity from them but know they won't mind :)
The wardrobe man turns up and starts using power drills. My now hot and bothered baby is still screaming and my toddler, upon hearing the drills, totally loses it and also wants 'up' in mummy's arms... lord. After 10 minutes playing in the back yard energex come back and fix the electricity and finally I can ramp up the aircon, seat Charli in front of the telly, and set about cooling and calming the baby........ Having had no nap, Charli falls asleep in front of the telly jsut as the wardrobe guy is finishing up.....she looks adorable and I reluctantly let her stay on the lounge - knowing this will result in a less than long sleep but she looked so nice and cool.
So, wardrobe is installed. Electricity is back on. Toddler is asleep. Baby is calmer. All I needed at that point was stiff drink - something I indulged in later that day at Sharon's after my incredibly over-tired toddler screamed 'car' more than 50 times before I decided it was just best to take her for a drive rather than hear her incessant whinging.......
I just love these days when you are sorry that you ever tumbled out of bed in the first place - and speaking of bed..... Night.
Today the wardrobe man was coming so that we could finally have a grown up bedroom and not one that looks like two 19-year olds are sharing a college dorm room.
The weather forecast is 34 and humid.
I ring the wardrobe company and they are not due until 12.30pm - right when Charli will be due for her sleep.
At about 9.30am we're watching TV, I have 2 air-conditioners on and I throw a load of laundry in the dryer because I'm a lazy housewife who couldn't be jacked going downstairs into the hot day to hang the washing out.
I'm feeding Zie and she lets loose with a bottom burp to end all bottom burps and when I stand up I have baby excrement running down my legs onto the brand new turkish rug.
I call to Charli to get me the baby's sheet (i.e. wrap) and bring it to me. Charli looks at me with her new look "I know what you're asking me to do but you know, I just don't feel assed doing that for you right now".... I bribe her with something - it may have been an ice-block, I don't recall. She finally finds it in her heart to bring me the wrap so I can wipe up the mess rather than traipsing it through the house.
As I'm changing Zie's nappy, the stereo/TV goes BANG and I lose power - bloody hell - too many appliances, I've blown a damn fuse again. Now I'm becoming fairly accomplished at fuse changing so I head downstairs with a teatowel to take out the fuse....but then I realise that the computers have gone off - and that can't be right as they are on a separate fuse thingy...... I check the fuse and sure enough it's still intact. Hmmmm. Go upstairs, turn on the lights (again a separate fuse box) - nothing. At this point I call my neighbour (their car is there) but she does not answer and I suspect she is in labour (she is overdue to have her baby at this point).... so I leave a message saying I've lost power and am wondering if they have to. I don't hear back... which is fair enough :)
I call our neighbours over the road - and guess what? They have power.
I call energex. They are not aware of an outage in Mitchelton and they log a call to the service men.
My baby is screaming because it's hot and my toddler wants to play hot games such as pretend mummy is a horse-y and mummy let's jump up and down in this bleedingly hot weather!!
Energex arrive - the power box on the pole has totally shat itself and they log another call for a bucket truck to come out and replace it. this will be another 1.5 hours or so.
We are now melting in the heat.
I call the wardrobe company to check that any power tools they require are battery/rechargeable. They are not. They will have to cancel my wardrobe and come another day. This is not an option as far as I'm concerned as things are stacked against every wall and we can't move for the crap that is waiting to find its new home in the new wardrobe. Plus I've been waiting 5 weeks for this wardrobe. They suggest we could run an extension cord to my neighbour's house. I am reluctant to call the possibly laboring woman to ask if I can use their power (as it turns out she was labouring - or had already labored - they were up at the hospital having left their car at home and are now the proud owners of a new baby boy!!!)..... I hope that their laundry downstairs is unlocked and take it upon myself to okay this suggestion to use the neighbour's power. I run next door once I'm off the phone, extension lead in hand and plug into their laundry.... I am yet to tell them that I've stolen electricity from them but know they won't mind :)
The wardrobe man turns up and starts using power drills. My now hot and bothered baby is still screaming and my toddler, upon hearing the drills, totally loses it and also wants 'up' in mummy's arms... lord. After 10 minutes playing in the back yard energex come back and fix the electricity and finally I can ramp up the aircon, seat Charli in front of the telly, and set about cooling and calming the baby........ Having had no nap, Charli falls asleep in front of the telly jsut as the wardrobe guy is finishing up.....she looks adorable and I reluctantly let her stay on the lounge - knowing this will result in a less than long sleep but she looked so nice and cool.
So, wardrobe is installed. Electricity is back on. Toddler is asleep. Baby is calmer. All I needed at that point was stiff drink - something I indulged in later that day at Sharon's after my incredibly over-tired toddler screamed 'car' more than 50 times before I decided it was just best to take her for a drive rather than hear her incessant whinging.......
I just love these days when you are sorry that you ever tumbled out of bed in the first place - and speaking of bed..... Night.
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