amongst all of this, I walk into our bedroom to find a HUGE brown grasshopper on our curtains.....
now as you probably figured out from the title i have a very very bad phobia about grasshoppers..... there are usually tears when you pair me and grasshoppers. anyway, I call dave (not sure what I expect him to do...) he offers to come home but my pride won't let him... (remember, meanwhile, Charlotte is clinging to my leg and screaming). So I slam both doors (we can access our bedroom 2 ways)... and then periodically check that he's still on the curtain - because you understand of course that it would be worse NOT knowing where he is!!
Finally I decide I have to kill him (remember readers, we are referring to the grasshopper, not my husband) - but how??? I run through a thousand options before I choose the wussiest one and stand many arms lengths away and spray about 1/2 tin of mortein on him.... I watch him struggle, he's easing down the curtain (straight towards my pillow - egads, guess I'm washing the sheets again today!!!)..... and then, out of nowhere he starts to panic and starts flinging himself around the room...... I scream, shut the door, and listen for a good 15 minutes while he careens off every surface possible. Can I point out at this point, that I've since learnt that in their dying state, grasshoppers vomit (or poop who knows) ORANGE onto every surface they touch.... just bloody charming. anyway, he's dead. He's lying on the floor with an empty nappy bucket over him - because there's no way I'm touching him - even if he IS dead. So there you go, I think we can safely assume that Charli girl is going to develop this phobia - won't that be a riot!!??
