Santa Claus is coming to town....

Well, last week did the obligatory trip to see santa and have a photo taken. Of course as any parent who is being honest with themselves will tell you, when your child is only 8 months old (or anything less than a year I think) then this trip is totally about you. THEY don't even know who Santa is besides being this big fat hairy guy in a really loud red suit - and he's probably sweaty and smelly to boot. after all, the poor guy is sitting in knee high black boots, wearing a full length suit and sporting facial hair that would rival a wooly mammoth - aircon or no aircon, he's gotta be dying in that thing!!

What's more, I spent forty minutes in line - FORTY MINUTES I tell you. Thankfully we had fun by amusing ourselves with the "catch me mum I'm falling backwards game"..... after forty minutes of this game - wherein charli girl would fling herself backwards, I would catch her, and she would giggle herself stupid - well you can imagine I was ready to leave charlotte in the pram to queue up herself - in the hopes that someone would snap a photo when she finally made it to the front of the queue. anyway, we finally made it there - see photo below.


I'd like to point out to Libby that I scored my photos for only $8. The trick was not to go to Myareyouahoplifter Santa where while I would only have had to wait 5 minutes due to his unpopularity, I would have had to take out a second mortgage on our property to pay for the photo. Of course there are other reasons not to go to Myareyouahoplifter as Michelle can attest to. After that debacle we now boycott the store.

Anyway - all in all very pleased with our first Santa experience - and she even smiled :)

Things I would tell my Mum this Christmas if she were here

Michelle you've inspired me. What a wonderful idea. Things I would tell my Mum if she were here this Christmas - oh my gosh, where do I begin?

Mum, meet your grand-daughter Charlotte. She is beautiful and I know you would love her very much.

I promise to instil in her all the wonder and amazement of Christmas that you instilled in me for all those years

I watch the DVD we made for you often. It still amazes me when I see you with me as a baby and my breathe catches in my throat for a moment as realisation dawns that I am now a Mum.

I keep in touch with my godparents often. They are my supports now that you are not here.

I miss you every day.

The nurses at Mt Olivet think you sent me a beautiful daughter.

One day I will finish this PhD. It will be dedicated to you - the strongest role model a girl could ever have.

Libby and I are once again as thick as thieves. We talk of you often. The physical distance between us does nothing to dampen our support of each other (though we could handle being able to have a wine together a little more often :)

Christmas has never been the same since you went away. I hope as Charlotte gets older I can re-capture some of that Christmas spirit.

I haven't spoken to Desley since you died - I hope you can understand why.

My friends are my family - I have some amazing friends. You would love them. They look out for me.

I hope that Scamp found you wherever you are. We miss him every day too. When Charlotte is being 'naughty' we think of Scamp. We're pretty sure she is Scamp re-incarnated ;)

I could write a book on things I would say to you this Christmas if you were here.

I love you.

The sands of time.....

Well it's been brought to my attention - yet again - that i've failed to post recently. I can't even claim to have been working on any of the multitude of projects that I have on at the moment - life has just been on top of me lately and haven't felt witty enough to post. So I'm going to post - but don't expect too much :)

Okay, so yesterday, due to life's weight on my shoulders, I decided it was time to buck up, get out of the house and do something carefree. So I bundled Charlotte up - she only slept for 40 minutes yesterday after being awake for 5 hours before lunch so she was ALIVE and kicking (aka overtired)... we jumped in the car and headed for the coast - my hopes being that she would drift off to sleep and I'd just take a leisurely drive through the sunshine coast hinterland. However, I made it as far as Mango Hill and she showed no signs of tiredness so I decided to drop in on my best friend's mum. She was most surprised to see us - having not seen us in about oh....7 months. She decided to join me on my trip to the coast but then we decided the coast was a big endeavour as it was already 1.30 in the afternoon. So we headed down the road to redcliffe instead and went to the lagoon - like a mini-southbank with sand and pools and shade sails - and the breeze coming off the bay was DIVINE!!! Here's a photo of my little one being amazed my a small frond of some sort from a pine tree. She studied this plant form for a good hour while Joy and i sat and chatted.... note to self - I should enjoy outings like this with a good book while she is still too young to run all over the place with me chasing her!!



And check out these colours - looks like we're holidaying in Hawaii....



not that anyone who has been to Redcliffe would ever mistake it for Hawaii - but it was lovely nonetheless....

My greatest fear is that there is No PMS, and this is just my personality.

it's been one of those days dear reader. i want another baby. i can't cope with the one I've got. dave isn't putting the cranberry sauce on his turkey sandwich right. he looks at me with what I'm sure is meant to convey love and I screech "why are you looking at me that way". I whine because there's nothing on TV tonight, go down and painstakingly select two DVDs from the video store (notice I still call it a video store despite the fact that I haven't borrowed a video in god knows how long)... only to get home and declare that I don't want to watch either of them and flounce off to the bedroom to read a book. It's days like this I wonder how it is that Dave hasn't cleared out our savings account and run off with some blonde bimbo who would never dare to question why it is that his clothes are still on the freakin' floor when I've asked him to pick them up 64 times..... then again, I've seen the balance of our savings account and I suspect that he hasn't eloped with the floozy because he knows they wouldn't make it as far as Ipswich before the money ran out - and let's face it, no-one wants to get stuck in Ipswich........

an 'alarming' exercise routine!!

a post ago I referred to one of my current mini-projects being a physical activity research project in which I'm a guinea pig... allow me to explain.

as a researcher myself, I'm quite sympathetic to the need to recruit participants to help collect data, so when i was approached to help out with a physical activity project I didn't hesitate. the object being to record your physical activity (or any activities, physical or otherwise) every hour of your waking day. Let me re-iterate that: EVERY FLIPPING HOUR OF EVERY WAKING MOMENT OF EVERY DAY FOR ONE WEEK.....Now, one might think that this sounds onerous - and one would be right. However, clearly my altruism clouded my ability to comprehend that when i signed up for the cause.

So last Friday, Saturday and Sunday, this alarm went off once during the day - to let us practice entering what physical activity (or otherwise) we'd been doing during the previous hour. There's a menu and in the first one you choose a broad category such as transport or the one that I most use house duties and/or childcare.... then it prompts you to get more specific (childcare or house duties or lawn/gardening duties)... and so on until you've got a nice specific task. Most of mine have been "sitting on my arse playing with a small child while singing nursery rhymes" - well not quite but you get my drift. I especially like the fact that you can enter in 'sexual activity' at which point it prompts you to report on whether it was 'passive, light' 'moderate, average' or 'heavy, vigorous, active'... now if one reports 'average' are you then commenting on the quality of said activity or merely the fact that you weren't putting a whole lot of effort in at the time. Who knows. Of course, if I do happen to have sex during the next seven days - which is the lifespan of this project - I'll either be a) lying and not recording it or b) making sure I have sex OUTSIDE of the allotted hours.... the alternative was actually to just record that I had 'vigorous sex' every hour - that'd give 'em something to think about now wouldn't it??

Anyway, so after completing 3 days of practice, things were going well. I was even 'informed' by the PDA on Sunday night that 'tomorrow is your first day' - it sounded quite excited.... so I was too. At 6am the following morning the alarm beeped and I inputed that I had been playing with a baby and eating during the last hour. 7am came and I inputted again... and so on and so forth. By 2pm, I was changing poo-ey nappy, the phone was ringing, charlotte was squirming and crying, the dog was whining for her dinner and .... you guessed it .... the bloody PDA alarm went off!!! I nearly flushed the bloody thing down the toilet.... and it's just gone downhill from there. How does one report on activity when within one hour I may (SIMULTANEOUSLY I might add), fold laundry while playing with charlotte, eati a snack, dress charlotte, put on my make-up and pack the nappy bag so we can get out of the house.....

I am now up to day three of the project and have another four days to go. there will be no sex - I'm too exhausted from reporting my physical activity to actually DO any....aaaaaaaaaaaaargh, there it goes again.....and here I am, sitting on my arse again being sedentary.... all this project has done for me is to point out what a lazy sod I am!! :) oh well, at least charlotte likes my singing...

Projects update...

Well I'm sure you're all just DYING to know how all of my projects are going? No.... well i'm going to tell you anyway dear readers.... because that's just the kind of self-centred gal I am.... :)

1. Being a stay-at-home mum....this is going pretty well actually. Though I am a little bemused by the fact that my MIL tells me every time she looks after charlotte, that charli girl has 2 great long sleeps a day and she just {quote} lays down and goes to sleep {unquote}.... which is a far cry from the 1/2 hour sobbing I have to listen to before she goes to sleep.... so I ask you... just what drugs are they giving her ??? (and where do i get them..)

2. Working part-time (and hence my hubby's mum and dad looking after charli girl 2 days a week).... this too is going okay. I have returned from 6 months maternity leave to a completely different workplace to the one i left... oh sure, the building is still there... but the people have changed. some have started and left again and I've never even met them...there are new faces everywhere and there is a part of me that just cannot be bothered learning any more new names. seriously, my mind can take no more information in and therefore i regret to inform you that if i haven't met you by now, if i do meet you i will be unable to retain any information about you - and hence a friendship seems out of the question. But so as not to end up like a lovely lady in the US who was sacked for discussing her workplace on her blog I will refrain from discussing these matters any further.... those of you closest to me will know of the shenanigans that have preceded my return to the workplace...

3. The backyard.... i would post more photos but i'm embarrassed about the complete lack of progress since last time..... i'll get back to you on this one...

4. hmmm, what other projects... oh yes, the house renovations. we'll i'm just about to commit to a structural engineer to make up the plans for our building application process blah blah blah.... who knows - i just sign the things our architect sends us..... but that will have to wait until I have another $1500 to spend... sorry charlotte, no xmas presents for you this year..... maybe santa has a bigger budget than mummy

5. and finally, the phd. i know you think i left this until last because i haven't done anything but back up dear readers....i've got 8 pages of chapter 5 to 'clean up' and then there's another chapter ready for my supervisor...seriously, who would have thought that i'd be MORE productive when i had a child... hey maybe if i get pregnant and have another one i might actually finish this phd before my supervisor retires (i've been given a 2 year deadline and then finished or not she's dumping me!!)

So there you have it - an update on my 5 projects. Of course in amongst these are little extra projects (read: procrastination tools) such as cooking dinner next monday for a single mum with 5 foster kids to help ease her load, or offering to participate in a physical activity research experiment in which i get to be harassed by an alarm every hour of my waking day and prompted to report on my physical activity for the previous hour (more on that in the next post) or my favourite project of all... sitting at the computer while i'm meant to be thesis-writing googling holiday destinations and dreaming of one day being able to sit on a beach with a daquiri in one hand and a margherita in the other drinking myself into a stupor for seven child-free days................................
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sorry...where was I? oh yes, back in reality and about to go and change a dirty nappy. 'til next time.

It started with a kiss.....

Well it was inevitable really wasn't it that at some point I was going to bore you all with my birth story. There'll even be photos, but don't worry, they're the G-rated ones!!

Well it was Tuesday the 19th of April at 3.30pm and we had our 41 week appointment with Karen, our midwife. Dave and I were both to the point of waking up each morning and looking at each other with disappointment – another night had come and gone and still no sign of any baby arriving. We were excited, eager…….and anxious. And I was beginning to suspect that my anxiety levels were not going to help with starting the process of labour. I had told myself (and Dave) that we weren’t going to focus on the expected due date too much – but that’s easier said than done. By 39 weeks I’d had enough of being pregnant so when that 40 week mark came and went I was disappointed to say the least. By 41 weeks I was beside myself.

We met with Karen to discuss being induced the following week if I still hadn’t gone into labour. We set Anzac Day as the day I would arrive to be induced – and I hoped with all my heart that it wouldn’t come to that – more than anything I was scared of being induced, as I didn’t have faith that I could cope with the pain if it started too suddenly. I raised the possibility of having a ‘stretch and strip’ – that charming term coined to describe having the cervical membranes swept. Karen said she’d do an internal and see how things were progressing. I can’t think of a time usually when one would look forward to an internal – but in this case I did!!

During the internal, Karen informed Dave and I that I was already 3cms dilated (woohoo) and my cervix was long and thin (hmmmm) – I figured this was good news – and she helped things along by sweeping the membranes (do you have a visual here of my midwife and a broom..... it wasn't like that honestly though it felt like it!!). Not the most comfortable feeling in the world, but at least I felt like something was happening. Karen predicted that we would not see the rest of the week out before I went into labour – what a wonderful prediction to our ears!!

So we headed home, grabbed takeout for dinner (fish and chips even though it wasn't Friday, but we're allowed to do that as we're not catholic. i guess in theory the catholics can have fish and chips any day they want too.... hmmmmm). Anyway, I digress - we grabbed takeout and settled in for a night in front of the television. I was feeling quite ‘crampy’ but put it down to the fact that I’d had an internal and didn’t think much of it (but was also secretly wondering whether this could be the start of it!!).

I headed for bed at a reasonable hour – exhausted as usual. I mean I was after all the size of a flipping elephant by this stage. At 2.30am I awoke to the shocking thought that I had just wet the bed!!! I clenched my pelvic floor – to no avail – and then quickly realisation dawned that this must be waters breaking. How exciting (an yet kind of icky too - Dave was pleased he'd put towels under our sheet!!!!) I went to check things out in the bathroom, discovered no signs that anything was wrong and stood there debating whether or not to call Karen. Now I had been told numerous times that I was to call when my waters broke BUT it was 2.30am – and the waters were clear – surely I didn’t have to wake Karen….. did I? But commonsense prevailed and I called the hospital to get Karen paged (actually, it was less 'common sense' and more being worried about getting into trouble for not calling - one would think at the age of 31 I would be over being worried about being scolded but hey). Ten minutes later she returned my call and I briefed her on the situation. She asked if any contractions had started and I realised they hadn’t and told her so. She said that was fine, to try and catch some sleep and we’d touch base in the morning – she’d be at the Birth Centre for her shift at 7am. Trying to curb my excitement I went back to bed – determined to stay calm, get some sleep – and most of all, not wake Dave until absolutely necessary as I knew he’d be so excited (read: anxious) NO-ONE would get any rest!! :o)

However, 15 minutes after getting into bed and getting comfortable, contractions began. Nothing more than a dull period-like pain (sorry for all the men reading this who can't relate to that but whatever) but I knew that this was the beginning. At 3am after a couple of contractions, I realised that I should probably let Dave know as despite days of suggesting he pack for the hospital, I knew he hadn’t so thought I should give him some warning!! Now, Dave is a rather heavy sleeper but nothing will wake a father-to-be faster than his 41-week pregnant wife leaning over and whispering “are you ready to meet your daughter today?” mwa ha ha (evil laugh) He came awake so suddenly it made me laugh – and was he excited!! The light was on and he was packing to go!!! Meanwhile I decide to eat some cereal in case I was in too much pain by breakfast – plus a 3am snack was usual for me as I’d been so hungry during the last few weeks of pregnancy!! I finished my weet-bix to find Dave hauling on his shorts and a t-shirt. I asked him what he was doing and that it was better if we both just went back to bed now we were all organised – that the contractions were still just niggly pains and it could be hours yet. So he got undressed again and lay back down and we turned off the light and tried to get some sleep. Again it was just as I was starting to calm down that I became a little uncomfortable and decide to get up and jump in shower. I didn’t have a watch or a clock with me, but the back pains seemed to be coming quite regularly, about 4-5 minutes apart – but they were still incredibly manageable so I was not sure of what was going on. I had it in my head that once contractions were this regular that I would be in excruciating pain.

I was very aware at this point that my other support person, Sharon, a very close girlfriend probably needed some warning as she had 2 children of her own to get organised if she had to meet me at the hospital. So at 4am, feeling awful for waking another person in the middle of the night, I called her. After telling her that contractions were really regular and close together but really manageable, – she said it could be hours yet but call Karen if I was concerned. I told her I wasn’t concerned I just wanted to let her know that she should probably get the kids to her mother-in-laws in the morning and be prepared to come to the hospital instead of going to work. I hung up and jumped straight back in the shower.

All thoughts of listening to music while leaning over my Swiss Ball went out the window – all I could think about was being under the hot jet of the shower. By this stage, the pain was becoming a little more intense and I found myself moaning through each wave of pain and focussing on my voice instead of the pain. I had the water jet so hot my skin was bright red but I didn’t care – it relieved the pain and the thought of getting out of the shower was unbearable. But I realised that I needed to know just how fast these contractions were coming so after one I quickly jumped out of the shower, ran dripping wet to the bedroom, poked Dave while suggesting (quite forcibly I might add!) that he ‘get up and time these bloody contractions!!’ Poor thing…

I made it back to the shower in time for the next contraction. I yelled out to Dave as each contraction started and stopped so that he could work out how long they were, and how regularly they were coming. The pain was still very bearable but I definitely needed to focus on each contraction. I have only vague recollections of Dave suggesting the water was too hot (I am NOT turning the heat down) and asking how close the contractions were before he was meant to call Karen (I think in all the excitement he just totally forgot!!). Dave said to me that the contractions have been regular (3min) for the last 20 minutes or so (no idea where the time went)…. I tell him to page Karen. After checking I’d be okay, Dave goes to throw all of our things in the car. After not hearing from Karen we suspect the switch never paged her so Dave tries again….

At 5.20am Karen gets back to us, hears my response to a contraction (think panting, moaning and yelling all at once) and says she’ll meet us at the hospital at 6am (in hindsight I can only thank god that it was not peak hour traffic time!!!). At 5.45am Dave comes in mid-contraction and tells me it’s time to go. I suggest through gritted teeth that there is no way I'm getting out of the shower. Not sure Dave knew what to do at that point - he gently suggested that I had to get out (there was a pleading in his voice at this stage). I wait for another lull in the contractions and step out of the shower while Dave starts drying me off - I had no concept of being able to do anything at this stage except focus on my breathing so there I stood like a 5 year old being dressed by someone else....shorts on... contraction...shirt on...contraction ... make it to the lounge... contraction...hop in the back seat of the car so I can lean over the back seat and Dave takes off... For the most part I can't remember the trip to the hospital - I didn't know spatially where we were at any point during the ride - but I distinctly remember a 4-wheel drive following us for a large portion of the trip with his bloody headlights shining through the back window of our wagon. I can only imagine what they thought when they saw this woman hanging over the back seat, dry reaching into a bucket, gritting her teeth and yelling every 3 minutes or so.....(have you got the visual??)

We make it to the hospital about 6am. There were multiple stops between the car and the birth centre - there was NO way I could move during a contraction. One knows however that one is not in enough pain if you can still be embarrassed about having a contraction in front of all the smokers sitting outside the public hospital!! I made Dave stand in front of me and hug me so it wasn't so obvious - though I'm sure I fooled no-one....

We met Sharon (my other support partner) and Karen the midwife outside the birth centre and once there I strip off and head straight for the shower. I've never been overly conservative when it comes to nudity but let me tell you - any semblance of modesty goes out the door when you're in labour. I'm not even sure I actually made it IN to my birth suite - it's quite possible that the cleaner who was mopping the floors outside the birthing rooms got quite an eyeful that morning - I really didn't care.

I won't bore you all with the details of the next hour. There was showering. Dave and Sharon discussed that morning's events (Pope Benedictine XVI had just been elected to the Vatican) and I believe at some point they discussed the fact that it was Hitler's birthday. The fact that our daughter was about to be born on that dictator's birthday is a fact that I could have done without ..... but nevertheless.

Finally I get to start pushing. Amazing. Wonderful. Exhilirating. I reach down and feel my daughter's head emerging... and before you know it (only a mere hour after arriving at the hospital) Charlotte Rose was born. 3.86kgs (or 8lb 8oz for you old schoolers) and 55cms long - she's going to be tall like her daddy. Here she is in all her goopy glory. We call her Monkey....



Anyway, that's the story of Charli Rose's birth. It's hard to sum it all up in such a short time (yes, that was a shortened version)... and nothing really will ever capture the wonder that was that morning.... 7.17am on the 20th April 2005 will always hold a special place in our hearts. Monkey, we love you.

I don't think there's any risk of that.....

Last week I went to see the child health nurse, as I do every now and then - just to update Charlotte's statistics. You know, length, weight. ... all those things that people seem fascinated about knowing when it comes to babies..... I'm not sure why we're so fascinated. thankfully people aren't that fascinated about those statistics when it comes to adults as i think I'd find it quite disconcerting to go to work for example and have people say "so, what do you weigh this week?"... but I digress. So I'm at the child clinic updating the stats and she tells me that I'm underfeeding her..... UNDERFEEDING HER???!!! WTF? Seriously, please refer to the 101 Ways to use a bandanna post, take a look at the thighs on my child and tell me I'm underfeeding her - go on, I dare you......

Beep beep beep (the sound a truck makes as it shifts into reverse)

It's also the noise I make when our darling daughter is moving around lately because yes folks, she's this close to crawling (you can't see but my forefinger and my thumb are about 2cm apart!!).... but of course, she's got her gear stick stuck in reverse 'cause she hasn't learnt how to go forward yet!! Not to worry, I'm sure it will happen soon.

What would be even nicer is if she would learn to pat the puppy gently - "GENTLY" I screech to Charlotte as Sophie (the dog) yelps and runs for cover. Not 2 seconds previous to that she (that is, the dog) was soundly asleep dreaming about whatever it is that dogs dream about - only to be rudely awaken by her ear being pulled.... poor thing. There'll be nowhere she can go soon without that happening - once the munchkin is fully mobile. I've never been a fan of the child playpen, but perhaps I can buy one and put the dog in it to sleep - she should be safe in there!!

Anyway, so I have no photos of the dog hair pulling or ones of the crawling attempts (they happen too fast to photo just yet) - but I do have photos of the latest achievement - sitting... yes, seriously, who would have thought that Dave and i would ever have been so enthralled with watching another human being sit on their bum. I like sitting on my bum - and I'm sure Dave enjoys it too (I mean, he's in IT so there is lots of bum sitting... just kidding hon). Anyway, so here's photographic proof.




You'll notice in the second photo the blur as her head races towards the floor. About a millisecond after this shot I dropped the camera in an attempt to catch her before she hit the floor - but alas I was too slow. There was tears, there was screaming, then there was raspberries on the tummy followed by giggles. Truly, the child is a regular Jekyll and Hyde!! (for those who care, the camera is fine too!)

A star is born....

Well, we haven't even made it to the interview with the modelling agency and already my young one is strutting her stuff on the silver screen. Seen here with Laurie Lawrence - swim coach extraordinaire - she made it to the Channel 7 news on a news item promoting teaching infants to swim entitled Kids Alive Do the Five. She managed not to cry or make a sound while he tipped water over her face - can't say the same though when he jumped in the pool with her....... there were tears then - not because she doesn't like the water, but god forbid because she couldn't see me anymore (and perhaps also because it was food time for her) the bottom lip even made an appearance. Not to worry, Laurie handed her back to me and she was all smiles again. I can't say enough good things about Laurie and his infant swimming messages - to all the mums and dads out there - teach 'em to swim!!

101 ways to use a bandanna.....okay well one way

Recently Rebecca of CravE posted a wonderful blog asking people what they will do with their Canteen bandanna for National Bandanna Day..... of course I immediately thought of ways that I could exploit the beauty that is my daughter and this is the resulting creation!!!





And here with a matching contrasting toga look.....





as I write this with my child on my lap, i find myself becoming increasingly wet and realise that while a wonderful fashion accessory, these bandannas are not absorbent enough to be used as a nappy!!! excuse me while I go and change.......

Hi Ho Hi Ho

It's off to work we go...... yes today I started back at work part-time after 6 months off. that'd be the longest period in my adult life that I've not been at work. And by work of course I mean the kind where I get to sit on my bum all day, chat with fellow office workers, have a long lunch and get paid for it all. As opposed to the kind of employment I've had in the last 6 months which has been wiping up vomit, changing less than desirable nappies, wearing vomit, being peed on, did I mention wiping up vomit? Oh, and you don't get paid..... oh unless you count the baby bonus (thanks johny)....but of course all of that was spent before I'd even had the little blighter what with all the stuff people tell you you have to have - she needs somewhere to sleep, somewhere to be changed, she must wear clothes and have one of those car seat things so she can be driven around like lady muck..... did I mention I was sending her out to start earning an income soon?? LOL..... but yes ladies and gents, with all my joking how much hard work it is to raise a baby and my poor husband still had to drive me to work today while I sobbed most of the way there about how much I was going to miss her..... I'm sure he wanted to scream at me "you've been complaining for 6 months about how you miss your pre-mummy life, now get over it".... but the smart man knew better....................

Type-A personality meets meditation - ha ha ha

Okay readers - sorry about the lack of posts (like i'm sure you care) - but I haven't been feeling too much like writing over the last few days - overwhelmed with life and all that. So in an attempt to bring some 'inner peace' to my thesis-writing, garden landscaping, house renovating, baby-rearing self, I decided to off-load the baby today and attend a meditation retreat. it's a free day run by a man who is a sri-lankan buddhist - lovely guy - lots of inner peace. something i wanted to learn. now i realise that meditation doesn't happen overnight. but whoa - nothing prepared me for how hard it really was. we were told that we had to focus on our breath and to not stress out if our thoughts wandered but be mindful when they did.... to speak to them and plead with them to come back to us if they wandered - much like a small child - you cannot force them to do your will, but you can ask nicely.... so here's how my session went in my head...

breathe in.....
breathe out.....
breathe in...... i wonder if charlotte is doing okay with her daddy....must remember to pick up .... d'oh.... mind come back to me
breathe in....
breathe.....must get some more of those thesis revisions done before ...oh shit, mind come back to me..
breathe in..... oh listen to that bird... and there's a cricket... is he in the building with us? I hope not... oh crap.... mind come back to me.....

and so it went for half an hour..... well actually so it went for about 15 minutes - i think i spent the last 15 minutes of the session staring at the trees out the window..... hmmm, this is going to be harder than I thought...

so in the next session our teacher discussed barriers or hindrances to enlightenment... he mentioned 5... and I think every single one of them applied to me!! oh dear.... this path to enlightenment could be a rocky one.... and then we did some further meditation after we knew the barriers and had a few hints and tips to help us through..... i lasted even less time this round.... mostly because by this stage I had - if nothing else, relaxed a little..... now what happens when an over-worked stressed out mummy of a 6 month old relaxes with her eyes closed on a nice warm day - yep, she falls asleep - sitting up..... i did that whole jerk awake really suddenly thing before you topple over onto the floor and then look around really quickly to see who saw you.... thankfully everyone else was still busy meditating!!! *sigh* at that point i realised the futility of trying to meditate when you're falling asleep and I made my apologies and went home for a nap..... and so went my first day of attempting to tame the jungle that is my mind.... practice makes perfect I guess :)

Carla needs....

ok. don't ask me what this is about, but I'm game. Rebecca of CravE has put me onto this - apparently she was lured to it by a certain someone of And so the days are filled...
type your name and 'needs' into google and see what it comes up with... apparently my needs are as follows:

Carla needs 1300 milligrams every day. don't ask me 'of what'.... it's none of your business....

Carla needs some pretty serious psychological help. Oh dear. How true this is. I am weeping at the accuracy of what is merely meant to be a bit of fun with a search engine. Beck don't even bother to comment. Elizabeth - shut up!! :)

Carla needs to accept responsibility for the results . ... what results are these? I suppose I got a positive pregnancy result 15 months ago and I think I'm taking pretty good care of the outcome!! Okay so in my blog earlier today I did mention that I wished my 6 month old would start bloody contributing financially but she's not... so in theory I'm still responsible for her yeah?

Carla needs to pee and encouraged by Kim slips into a small park ... okay, honestly, I don't know anyone named Kim. Granted, a friend of mine in Sydney would argue that I have an incredibly small bladder so she thinks I ALWAYS need to pee, but really, I've never peed in a small park.... on a roadside in Africa perhaps, but it was New Years Eve and there was large quantities of vodka involved and..... anyway, you probably don't want to hear about that.

Carla needs to know how precious and lovable she is, and that her father's absence has nothing to do with her. Oooh, okay when I started this 'googling' fun I didn't realise there would be home truths involved.... next one....

Some time later, Carla needs him to use his old skills and he, unwillingly, obliges her. Unwilling obliges her!! How incredibly insulting.... and why would I be wanting him to use his old skills anyway!!?? Ewwww....

Carla needs Paul. ... no I don't..... really. I need Dave. I love Dave. Honey you HAVE to believe me..!!! ;)

Carla needs to feel a job is really hers. Which job are we talking about here? Are we talking about the job that entails me swanning around all day sipping strawberry daquiris, hob-nobbing with others, wearing pretty party frocks and being the centre of attention? Yes, I need to feel that job is mine!!! Or do you mean the job where I get to change poo-ey nappies all day, get vomited on a zillion times, and try to console a screaming baby after her vaccinations? That job? Oh yeah, that job is really mine... :) (footnote: the smiles make it all worth it!)

Carla needs your support! god - needy little so-and-so aren't I?

Carla needs only to stand perfectly still on a gloomy rooftop, peer intently into a pair of binoculars, and read lips as she's never read them before. ... God that's it!! That's what's been missing from my life - me standing in the rain on a rooftop attempting to communicate with someone through a bloody pair of binoculars..... honey, I'm going out to buy some binoculars!!

Dahlink.....she's gorgeous!!

the other day, my darling husband suggested we register our daughter with a modelling agency - he alluded to the fact that everyone tells us she's gorgeous. now of course, WE think she's gorgeous - but I had assumed we were a little biased. and i had assumed that others said she was beautiful/cute/adorable because that's what people say about babies. I mean who among us has not commented on the beauty of a - how do I say this nicely? - you know, a baby that isn't, well..... oh let's be honest, who hasn't commented on the beauty of a baby that hasn't quite evolved from the gorillas yet... there I said it :)

anyway, so I took him seriously and I sent her photos along to a modelling agency.



I received back an email telling me how gorgeous she was and could i come for an interview. now let me say here, for those of you who don't know me (and that would be most of you I'm sure) I am under no illusions whatsoever that this is not a form letter that is sent to every hopeful mum of a star-to-be child. I am so uncool about the whole modelling/fashion/talent industry that when a friend of mine, tongue in cheek, suggested that I'd now have to get some D&G sunglasses, I had to email and ask what D&G stood for :)

Anyway, so I thought heck, this could be a riot, so I made an interview time. worst case scenario, I'm out an agency fee. best case scenario - the little blighter starts pulling her weight around here - I mean what? she six months? and still sponging off us...... get a job already!!

Finishing is not my forte

Okay readers well when I started this blog I did allude to the fact that I wore many different caps and yet so far I've only managed to tell you of my 'mummy' role. So let's rectify that now. To my list of roles I add - PhD student. I am of the type that enrolled, oh say 1000 years ago now, and who is currently onto her 5th "thou-shalt-submit-or-get-out" letters sent by the University. In theory I have until June next year (06) to submit - what happens if I don't no-one is quite sure. It's a situation I'd rather not test, but let's face it, the chances of me submitting by June next year is unlikely.

One may ask why a type-a personality such as myself - who can juggle so many things at once - is unable to get this done in the next 8 months.... oh dear reader... I have failed to mention that I LOVE to start things... even the middle part of things is fun..... finishing something though? Hmmm, not my forte. I can juggle 16 different projects - but the minute one of them requires completion - well suddenly the other 15 things become much much more important.....let me give you another example. My other cap - the home landscaper..... below find a series of photos of our backyard. I embarked on the demolition of our yard - with the intent to build a retaining wall - with gusto. The minute child was asleep I would be out in the backyard sledgehammering, sawing trees, crowbaring up slabs of concrete. With relish I attacked this yard for 5 weeks...... nothing has been done since. To be fair, I have since travelled to Newcastle to present at a conference, been working on my thesis, and raising previously mentioned child. but you see dear reader, this too requires completion....... not one of my strong points...... not sure where that leaves me with the 'raising child / mummy' role........ but then that's not really a role that ever ends so maybe I'll be okay at that one!! anyway, I really do hope to progress on the yard in the next few weeks so I'll keep you updated.....

Eskimo kisses

I am writing this blog in 5 minute spurts - in between that I am settling my 6 month old who has a) learnt to flip onto her tummy in the cot but who b) has not yet figured out that you can put your bloody head down and GO TO SLEEP LIKE THAT!!! *sigh* She's mostly got the hang of it but some days she flips her head into the bars on the cot (I imagine that must hurt) all the while flinging her little feet out the other side through the bars (yes she is sideways in the cot.....her dad sleeps sideways in the bed so I guess she is taking after him in more ways that just the geeky computer ones...) *sigh again*

But what I really wanted to marvel at today is how quickly these little beings learn things. Since she was born I've been doing eskimo kisses with her.... for the uninitiated that's where you rub noses side to side - like the eskimos do (admittedly this is something I've only heard about - I've never actually kissed an eskimo) ..... and as I'm writing this there is a voice inside my head telling me we don't actually refer to them as eskimos anymore, I'm meant to say Inuit - but not for the natives of west alaska, as they still like to be called eskimos (throws hands up in despair, googles 'eskimo politically correct' and comes up with this site for those who care to educate themselves). For the record I'm just going to keep calling them eskimo kisses.

aaaannnywayyy... back to the point. so now, at the tender age of 6 months, I can now put my nose on charlotte's nose and say 'eskimo kisses' (think stupid high pitched voice when you say that) and she starts flinging her head side to side - showing a remarkable lack of head control - sometimes she even flaps her arms and smacks me in the face while she's doing it - which I'm sure is not how it's done but she seems to be having fun. Sometimes I don't even have to be there when she starts doing eskimo kisses -- which of course leads me to believe that perhaps it's just some developmental phase of movement she's doing and in fact, has nothing to do with me teaching her eskimo kisses at all.... but I choose not to believe that.

Like father.....like daughter

ok, so here's the child I was talking about. Cute huh? You'll note she's tapping away on the computer already. that's because her daddy is in IT and she's already taking after him!! if on some days my typing gets a little blah you'll know it's because she's sitting here whacking on the keyboard contentedly!! hubby insists she won't hurt it. i think she'll prove him wrong... but hey, what do I know right?

I won't go on too much about her as I know how annoying that can be (ok, well truth be told I probably will go on about her alot but if you're not inclined to hear me rabbiting on about what a wondrous daughter I have - there're plenty more blogs in the sea).

Welcome to my life.....

Well here it is. My first post. Kind of scary to get started...... only because I wonder how much of my life will then become devoted to this 'blogging'.... like I don't have enough on my plate already. recently my child health nurse said to me... (yes I have a child health nurse - that's because I have a child. she is 6 months old but we'll get to that later).... she said to me "so are you taking it easy?" to which I replied "yeah, pretty much.... I return to work part-time in a week, renovations are soon to begin on our house, I am currently trying to landscape our backyard, and my first chapter of my phd thesis is due to my supervisor in a week....but other than that, yeah I'm taking it easy?" She sighed, rolled her eyes and said "See you next week".... and so fellow bloggers and readers-of-blogs..... allow me to take you on a journey into the life of thesis writing, landscaping, home renovating, crazed mother of a six-month old!! Enjoy....